Sunday, December 25, 2011

I've never been licked so much in my life........Vintage wine and shit jokes.

Well, I warn you now, this will be a long one as I am well overdue a blog. The past few weeks have been a nightmare. What with the tap in the kitchen leaking, the toilet flush breaking and the TV going on the blink. Then to top it all off we had to call out a plumber to sort out a leak we have coming from the bathroom taps that is leaking under the floor and leaving puddles in the living room.

So it's all going well!

Clearly these new builds are only built to last three years and then everything breaks at the same time. "Eee, they don't mek 'em like they used to."

And of course on top of that was preparations for my show with the kids at work. Pants, pants and more pants and present finishing, and wrapping and running out of sellotape and having to use Christmas stickers and masking tape (classy).


I was pretty much sick to death of Christmas by the 19th. Once I'd finished the show, I was in the mind set that it was all over for another year and I deserved at least two weeks off. Ha ha. As if.
Well, as usual I couldn't attend my works Christmas party but I managed to gate crash A's. He he. Free bar, free bar, la la la la la la. It would not've been free bar at my works do, that's for sure. And it would not have been as much fun. There's no boys in childcare. Ha ha.

Anyhoo, I managed to meet some lovely people and all in creative and media jobs, which was lovely. And I think it was the first time I'd actually introduced myself as a writer, to total strangers. (Of course I still told everyone I was a pre-school teacher and drunkenly discussed my Panta Clause show but I also plucked up the courage to discuss my books and stuff.) There were some fellow writers there, of magazines, reviews, music and songs and it was just genuinely thrilling to discuss creative matters with people on the same wave length and people with a bit more experience than I have. It almost made me feel like a real writer.

It was only after I stumbled home and ate pizza and watched Grey's Anatomy at like 1.00am that I realised I hadn't mentioned my blog. I think I am going to get a business card. Me. Helen. With a business card. Ha! But seriously I think I'm gonna do it. It would be so much easier to pass them out to people I meet and maybe I could even meet someone who could help me on my way, or at least give me some sort of advice. It's a plan!

Now, I'd been struggling to concentrate on anything un-work-related over the past three weeks thus the lack of blogs, lack of writing and speed of reading (it took me about 3 weeks to read The Emerald Atlas). But then, bam! With the show and pants related stress out of the way I suddenly had all this space to absorb. Oh, and absorb I did.

Cassandra Clare's latest offering in The Infernal Devices series: The Clockwork Prince.  Oh dear Lord. She is a cruel, cruel woman. She draws me in, hook line and sinker. I ravished through it in about 48hours, with 24hours of work and a few hours of sleep in between. She really puts you through the ringer and leaves you hanging by a thread. And I just LOVE IT! I just hate having to wait for the next instalment. Patience in literature is not my forte.

Weird thing happened on my way to work the other morning. It was about 7.00am, pitch black dark and this 70ish year old man walked past me. He had white hair and a cool black leather jacket on. I had my Ipod on and wasn't really paying attention and as he walked past me he said, "Good Morning Beautiful!" In a real sleazy way. I was like, WHAT? And then Eww! I'm telling you, never a dull moment in Kentish Town.

And then we come to Christmas number 1, which happened on Thursday 22nd. I had to rush home from work and then cook a full Christmas dinner including Yorkshire puddings, stuffing and sausages with bacon wrapped round. Eek. Got a little stressed due to fitting it all in the oven and A coming home earlier than usual and then getting waylaid setting the table. But it was all fine in the end and there were empty plates by the end of it and extremely full bellies. He he. (That is the general rule at our house, as any of guests will clarify.)

I got a most amazing red leather satchel! It is ridiculously beautiful. I've always loved satchels and there's one in my book and now I have one of my own. He he. I also got more Fair to Midland albums and a live DVD which A asked them to sign as well. Am turning into slightly geeky superfan, but they are just completely on my wave length. Their lyrics speak to me and they fit so beautifully with the world in my head. I also got an arcade Sonic the Hedgehog thing that plugs into the TV and allows you to play sonic and other games. WICKED!

Had an interesting road trip back with C and A. Ha ha. Not the clothing outlet, which only exists on the continent and is especially big in Germany and Belgium. But alas, no, I mean Claire and Anna my wonderful Northern friends who also live in the South. And after a glass of cavaCarlisle singing us home, the further north we got, the more rain exploded on us and the more the wind picked up. We hit a little bit of traffic around Birmingham but made steady progress and was home at 10.30. We all got very excited when Chris Rea's Driving Home for Christmas came on.......It's the little things......

And so to Christmas Eve shenanigans.....And there were many..........

The usual pub lunch and annual catch up of life was scheduled for 1pm. Dr Ch, K and C were all present and it didn't take us long to dissolve into frequent flows of conversation. I love our annual tradition of alcohol and food in The Brocket. It's been a good ten year tradition and long may it continue. The wine was flowing and the tone was lowered and giggles were compulsory. And eventually after C twisting my arm for pudding (really hard she twisted. Ha ha) we exchanged presents, with the usual protests from Dr Ch, but she should know now she never wins.

Mucho vino, vodka and chin wagging later, and they had to leave, whilst I met up with Hev and Jam, to continue my day of seeing people. We strolled on down to The Tudor (a lovely alternative-ish pub, with awesome real ales and (usually) metal music. Then J and T came to join us and a few others and of course my lovely P! And of course, I'd convinced myself I wasn't going to the final ever Maximes rock night ever! But then, with a few vodkas in me and with all these lovely people surrounding me, well, I could hardly refuse. (I'm easily persuaded) And so I ended up in a place I frequented from about the age of 18 to the age of 22. I have so many awesome memories of this place and the amazing friends I made there and I just found it difficult to revisit that. But actually, it was quite cool.

No actually, It was freezing cold. They clearly couldn't afford to keep the heating on in any way shape or form and so most people kept on their coats. I can hands down say, I've never rocked out with a vest, a t-shirt and two jumpers on. Oh and of course P's beany hat which he lent me for the night. Ha ha. But still, rock out I did, for a couple of songs. I even managed to see someone I hadn't seen in about 5 years. And I was scared to approach him and he actually didn't recognise me at first, but then when he did, it was almost as if no time had passed. Lovely.

Then we left super early so me dad could pick me up and I wouldn't have to pay double fair for a taxi. Altogether, a shit hot night!

And finally its a very Merry Christmas to you all from a ridiculously mild north west of England. This time last year it was snowy and icy and this year you could barely tell it apart from October. But for a bracing wind and a splash or two of rain you would think it was Autumn. Eek. Global warming's gone mental.

And so this year, there was no Gran but we had my Brother and his mega large dog Snoop. He's like a whirlwind of excitement and he kept us all fully entertained. I've never been licked so much in my life. My kids don't lick, thank god, but Snoop does. My hands, my toes, my shoulder, my dress, everywhere.

My dad got one of the best presents ever. It's a book called Sign Language and it's all mistranslated signs from around the world, rude and stupid and darn right ridiculous. We were all wetting ourselves. My dad needed oxygen. Some of my favourites were:

Dick Payne real estate
Cock flavour soup mix
Ars cracks fireworks
And: Viagra fencing-Problems getting it up? Bob can erect it.  He he.

And for Christmas lunch there was of course my mum's legendary roast with all the trimmings. But not forgetting my dad's vintage wine selection, which is basically all the wine that people have brought me mum and dad over the years (and they don't drink). Today we drank a 1998 vintage classic, which was pretty dire but not as bad as last year's bloody sweet dessert wine. My dad the wine connoisseur. He he. Wouldn't have it any other way though.

Had some of the most almighty shit cracker jokes as well. Like shockingly shite. But isn't that why we love them?????

All in all its been a good day. Fairly relaxed (though perhaps not for me mum who had to do all the cooking) and entertaining and full of dog drool and slober. Merry Christmas everyone. And enjoy the time off before it's back to reality.

I hope this rather lengthy blog has made up for sincere lack of recent bloggage.

Peace, love and turkey butties!


Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Time travel by advent's the future!

Whoa! It's the 8th December........when the hell did that happen? I've only opened 1 and 2 on my advent calendar. I guess I'll have a chocolate fest when I'm in the mood.

I just had an awesome thought. What if you could control time with your advent calendar? Like if I'd only opened 2 doors, then I couldn't actually move on to the 3rd December until I'd opened the next door. And you could also go back in time, by closing the doors again. That would be cool. I'd close them all again and stay at November the 30th for about another month, then I could:
1) Get all my portfolios up to date at work.
2) Get a submission out to at least 2 agents before Christmas.
3) Continue editing book 1 and writing book 2.
4) Have more rehearsals for my Christmas show and more time to make props....and when I say props, I mean PANTS! Ha ha! (If only you knew)
5) And of course finish off the god damn Christmas shopping. URGH!

But alas, the time is slipping away and soon another year will be spent. And we'll all get older and crabbier and if you're me, more bitter and twisted and gnarled (best word ever!).

This time of year always tends to get me riled up, especially with talk of nativity. I babysat for one of my ex little girls and she told me she was playing an angel in the Christmas Nativity at her school. I couldn't help but tense up, the fists balling at my sides. This is where a lot of my bitterness stems from. It's like the original bitterness........ I wanted to be an angel, but I was fat and freckly with long dark hair. Clearly NOT angel material. All the blond girls got the part as they were all so pretty and dainty. URGH! And guess what role I played??????

The narrator, because, and I quote: "You have a loud voice."

Wow! Now did they really think that wasn't gonna affect me for the rest of my life! Implying that you might be ugly and fat, but you have a nice strong voice and you can sing loud too. OOOOO goody. I'm just brimming with happiness! And after 24 years I'm still angry about it. I would have been a shit hot angel! The coolest one! But hey, their loss. And anyway, I'm thin now, which can't be said of all the past angels.......yeah facebook comes in handy for some things. Ha ha! YOU BITCH! (Slap my own wrist)

Anyhoo, I have to cut this short in order to get to work on time. On the early twirly shift this week.Yipee! 
More parent teacher meetings this morning and more pants and more rehearsals and more stress! You gotta love a good stress. My body doesn't though. The skin is literally peeling itself off my hands, leaving me with cuts and sores and dry irritated hands. (Thought I'd leave with a lovely image there......You're welcome.)

Happy Thursday. We're getting to the end of the week. Keep going, you can make it!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

oooooo, it's the 44th!

Well, what a manic two days I've just had. As usual doing things for other people and my kids and completely neglecting my dusty book. Ahhhhhhh. One day I'll  just tell everyone to piss off!! I'll have no friends and be known as a bitch, but at least I may have a chance at a writing career.

Sometimes I really hate being 'nice' and I hate the word 'nice'. It's one of the main reasons I would never make it in the musical world and why I gave up on the singing. You have to be ruthless to exist in that kind of environment and I proved at uni that I couldn't be. Even at my performance exams when I was told to ditch a couple of musicians as they were out of tune and spoiling the overall sound. I couldn't do it. They were friends. And that was more important to me. I didn't want to upset them.

And anyone that's ever worked with me, or worked for me will know that instead of telling them when they're being inefficient or just darn right annoying, I won't say anything. I'll just pick up the slack myself and do the work for anywhere up to three or four people. Which is why I've turned into a complete scatterbrain. I've got so much stuff going round in my head, that I'm actually losing my mind.

Anyway. Lets' face it, I've been nice for the best part of 28 years, It's gonna take me a while to change it. Ha ha. Watch this space.........

Oh dear lord, I'd forgotten how much I HATE the flesh. Had to go to Oxford Street two days in a row. ARGH!!!!!!!! People don't walk fast enough, they get in your way, they push in front of you and don't adhere to the queuing system (come on guys, you're in Britain. We Love to queue). And of course me being 'nice', I say, "It's alright. Don't worry." When inside I'm screaming "Slut, Bitch, Wanker!"

So the second time I had to go, I actually had a plan of the exact shops I was going to and which tube they were closest to. And I literally just hopped on and off the tube, to avoid as many people as possible. Urgh, people. Or more accurately Urgh tourist shoppers! URGH!

So, most of my Christmas shopping is being done form the comfort of my living room and my wonderful couch. I LOVE INTERNET SHOPPING. You can take your time, browse around, save things till later, make wish lists, get great offers and have everything delivered to you. IT'S GENIUS!!!!!!!

On a lighter note, I'm lovin' the amount of Kate Bush covers being used in American TV shows, most notably The Vampire Diaries.(Ha ha. Most notably for me! Ha!) Although in last week's episode they did a cover of This Woman's Work, which is an amazing song and one which I sang in my final masters degree performance. But, it was sang by a man.

Anyone else think that's completely backwards???? A man, singing this woman' work. It was all kinds of wrong. But I was chuffed that at least people are still saluting the magical genius of Kate, as I do all the time!

Well, I've had to change a load of shifts around and am giving up part of my holiday on Friday, and postponing my First Aid course until January, (Because I'm 'nice' of course) for one of my kids. He's been upset saying he doesn't want to come in and when that happens I take it so personally. He's my key child and I love him to bits. So, I am giving up everything to be there for him and give him a bit of extra attention. I just hope it works.

So, I need to skoot now, as I'm now in a 9 instead of 10. Ahhhhhhh, the joys.

Happy Wednesday everyone. Enjoy you're last day of November. And happy name day A! And everyone else whose name day it is today!!!!!


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Terror! The Horror!

I had to wait a day before blogging, not only because that would've been two blogs in two days, but because I was just too gutted! It's been a bit of a trauma over at Flat 19. Well, for me at least.

I arrived home from my lovely weekend up North, in the knowledge that our fridge/freezer was on it's last legs and we were going to have to get a new one, and they no longer did them in black, so we'd have to have a white one and I was just about coming to terms with that. Although saying goodbye would be tough. I get awfully attached to things.

But then, about twenty seconds after walking through the door, I get told that the toaster's gone as well. Now this isn't just any toaster, this is a pirate toaster, that puts skull and cross bones on your bread. I mean, how cool is that? Gutted!!!!! A wasn't bothered at all. He's always hated my toaster. I think there was definitely an element of sabotage going on there.............

And now he wants to buy some boring ass toaster, that actually works properly and doesn't put skull and cross bones on your toast. I mean, where is the fun in that?????

Now, as if two things weren't bad enough for the woman that hates change with a firey passion and just wants everything to stay the same and work forever and just not abandon me. Then he pipes up with. "Oh you know how I took your Ipod to get fixed (the microphone was busted for face time chats) well yeah, there was nothing they could do, so they just replaced it."

Jaw hit floor. Anger. Annoyance. Betrayal. How could they?

"So this isn't my Ipod."
"No. It's a new one."

And my answer to that was........."But I didn't get to say goodbye."

I looked at it with disgust. Even though it looked the same. I knew it wasn't my Ipod. And then he drops the final bombshell, that all my music got wiped off it. So I'd have to go through and put all my music back on. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Three is most certainly not the magic number. It's a cruel and horrible number. Why do things come in three's? Just to piss you off? To drive you over the edge?

So, this week I will say goodbye to two  lovely Flat 19 appliances that have been with us since the beginning. But I will never get chance to say goodbye to my Ipod. I wonder what they do with 'em? I just have this vision of all the slightly broken, discarded technology dumped in a dark room, all sad and lonely and missing their owners. A bit like Andy's toys in Toy Story. There wasn't even that much wrong with it. Humph!

Well, as usual I deal with the change even though I DO NOT WANT IT! And so I thought I should try and bond with the new Ipod. And the easiest way I could think of was by naming it. And so I did.


I managed to restore most of my music on there and added a few additional songs and I think me and Frank are on good terms. But it seems my head phones have gone a bit dodgy. Now things don't come in fours, so that implies another cycle of three. But I just don't think I could cope with that. I really don't!

I did have fun with Frank today though. I put my music on songs and played them alphabetically, so you got such gems as Baker Baker (Tori Amos) followed by Beheaded (The Offspring). Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Genius!

Oooooo and I actually saw the Kentish Town vampire this evening on my way home from work. He was all in black but tight fitting and a nice waistcoat and died black hair and black glasses and he just oozed vampire. Awesome. I told you they existed and how cool that one resides in Kentish Town. And speaking of vampires, only two days to go ladies until Twilight Night. Whoop. C, L, T and S and D will be treated to what is probably a terrible film, followed by burgers and drinkies. What an amazing way to spend a Thursday evening. Can't wait my lovelies.

And on a final note. Goodbye, amazing, one of a kind tiny fridge/freezer, in black. I will miss you, although the door kept sticking which was really beginning to piss me off. All our magnets will have to find a new home. I'll think of you from time to time and try to imagine you're somewhere fun, with other fridges and freezers. I'll miss you.

And goodbye pirate toaster, who "kept me spirits up, me hearties" and didn't cost much of me buried treasure and always made me go, "Arrrrrr!" whenever I used it. You have served us fairly well, though more often than not you burnt stuff, or only did one side particularly well. But I loved you all the same. We don't expect people to be perfect, so why expect the same from appliances. It's their little quirky nuances that keep you on your toes.

And finally. The goodbye I can never make face to face, but that needs saying anyway. Goodbye Ipod touch. Deep down I know you knew I never really wanted you. I always felt I didn't need you as I already had my scruffy old, 2nd gen Ipod nano and I had no intention of getting rid of it. But you soon took over, with your features such as internet and facebook capabilities and your face time function that allowed me to talk to A wherever he happened to have flounced off to that week. You kept me company on plenty of long train journies and your battery life was impressive. I'm sorry I never named you. It was wrong, but it also would've hurt more. I did need you. You were useful and I did love you, just not in quite the same magnitude as my nano. Thank you for your dutiful 11 months service. Peace out!

Now, I think I better scarper before the men in the white coats turn up to cart me off.
Happy Tuesday guys.

Until the next blog.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Dance like no one's watching....or hope no one's watching when you fall over........He he.

What a night! I have literally not been that sweaty since my Maximes day. Ahhhhh, Maximes (A sigh of nostalgia). I was a little slow to get on the dance floor but once that four or fifth vodka hit the spot, I was boogying on down with the best of them. And by the best of them, I mean the crazy kid that is Han, one of the twin Birthday girls. She was never off that dance floor and she was the life and soul of the party! I honestly don't know where she got the energy from.......oh wait, yes I do........It must have been the monstrous amounts of alcohol. He he.

T made a very good connection. He said, Han was like the energizer bunny. Or maybe the energizer bunny on speed or something. Madness. Anyhoo, she had a wonderful time and so did I and so did her twin Aimes, although she wasn't quite as prominent on the dance floor.

When they started the speeches and photo slide show, that's when it really started to hit me. They were 21 and I'd actually known them their entire life as I was already 7 and in Brigade (whoop!) when they were born. I had already met the wonderful Char and I already had my very funky and extremely hip Pink Panther swimming bag. Dear Lord. Way to make me feel old. Although apparently it has been thought that me and O are twins and that would make me about 17, so that's alright. If I can pass for 11 years younger than I am. Even if my body is aching and groaning, at least my face is still screaming: young and not too wrinkly! Ha ha.

I do have a slight health and safety warning about that building though. The venue must be experiencing some sort of subsidence or something, as there were a record number of falls during the night. I mean, really, I  blame dodgy floors, not alcohol and six inch heels. Nope! It's definitely the floor!!!! I wonder how many bruises have surfaced this morning.............

I really really had a blast! And it was so great to see everyone, especially as it was only a month ago that I saw them at the 85th Anniversary dinner. But it does make me realise how much I miss everything. I was a part of something huge for 18 years. And these people hold such a super chunk of my heart. It's ridiculous. And even now, it hurts to think of the band and everything we achieved, because my hands dream of sometime playing a glock again, or playing with three sticks, some amazing classical medley. Or even writing and arranging more songs for the ladies to play. And it's fine when I'm in London 'cause I can distance myself and cushion the longing beneath lots of other things. But when I am with my friends who have known me the longest and have been with me through thick and thin and the ups and downs, I just wonder...............

When will Mr Branson make a hyper speed train that will get me to Wigan in 30mins, so I can still go to band practise?????????

Ha ha. It's the future people. Watch this space........Though not too closely, 'cause you'll get bored.

Well, that was a nice quick blog, but I did promise the birthday girls that they would feature prominently. And so they have. Here's to the next 21 years ladies! You are wonderful wonderful people and I was honoured to be able to share your special night. And also good luck to the respective boyfriends, who have presumably been holding back their hair all morning, or cleaning up sick from the bathroom. Well done. Well done!

Love and hugs

Happy Sunday's everyone!


Sunday, November 13, 2011

Wandering scaffolding and latex sausages.

Mad hectic couple of weeks has begun a full-to-bursting November schedule. What with Munich last weekend, being out on two school nights this week and a trip to Southampton yesterday. Eeee, I'm knackered. The Grandma in me is ready for a rest. Ha ha.

And November has finally brought some chilly Autumn weather. I think I may be one of the only people in the world that actually enjoys the colder weather. I just love being wrapped up warm with a hat, a scarf and gloves. I would rather be cold and have layers to wrap up in, than be too hot in my own skin. I hate that about summer. 'Cause let's face it, I can't walk around London naked and I can't actually peel off layers of my skin. At least now I know I can wear a jumper and a coat and all my warm accessories and I might just have to take a couple of them off on the tube, but that's fine as it's always at least 10 degrees warmer on the tube.

Speaking of Autumn. Munich was incredible. The colours were mesmerising. So yellow and red; so vivid. And we were lucky it had been such a mild start to the Autumn as most of the leaves were still on the trees. Our walk around the Schloss Nymphenburg was phenomenal. We must have taken about 100 pictures of trees that day and leaves and branches and just general Autumn wonderment. Amazing! We also tried some arty shots, through the branches and messing around with manual settings, but let's face it, I'm more of a point, press and hope girl, especially as Leonard has such an amazing intelligent auto function. Ha ha. And yes, Leonard is the name of my camera. I do like to name my technology. It makes it slightly less scary and more Helen friendly, if it has a name. That way I can talk to it and feel slightly less insane. Ha ha. Yes, I talk to my technology. Anyhoo.........

Beer and sausages! Hmmmmm. We liked Munich! Although the weird white sausages that looked the consistency of latex gloves, (coincidentally, that I use to wipe children's bottoms when I change their nappies) I left those to A to sample. Eek. I did not like the look of those. And if you think normal sausages look like willies, then these really really did. Urgh! He he. A'll try anything though, especially if it's a regions delicacy.

Now, I may have mentioned before about how scaffolding follows me around the world, to various countries and famous landmarks. And Munich was no different. Around Marienplatz two churches were in scaffolding, one completely covered and the other just one tower covered. Now that I could just about cope with as the Rathaus and other exciting buildings were fine. But when we hired a car on the second day and drove to Neuschwanstein and Hohanschwangau castles, I was slightly peed off to see the fairy tale, beauty and the beast castle, half covered in scaffolding. I'm not kidding. The scaffolding follows me around the world. To Athens, to Milan, Madrid, Japan, everywhere!!!!!!!! It's the curse of the scaffolding and for some reason it's attached to me.  Ah well. At least I have pictures in the guide book and postcards to see what stuff should actually look like.

Am currently watching Richard Attenborough's Frozen Planet, whilst writing this. Oh my God. It's amazing!!!! What the hell were those unicorns of the North things? Those Narwals. It sounds like something from Lord of the Rings. Beware of the Narwals. I literally couldn't believe my eyes. And the caterpillar that lives for 14 years but freezes to death every autumn and then becomes an ugly moth for like a day.....Incredible. It just doesn't seem real.

Had a lovely day yesterday in a misty Southampton. Though luckily the mist lifted once we arrived at the Zoo with Ali and L. It was cool to go to the zoo with a little person, to see the excitement through their eyes.

ARGH! I don't want the Orca whales to eat any of the penguins! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, I was panicking. (Back to David Attenborough)  I love penguins.

What was I saying????? Ah yes. At the zoo yesterday it was fantastic. L became a penguin whisperer. She had a leaf and the penguins were following it around the tank through the window. She kept saying, "Look penguins. Look at my leaf." He he.

Looking forward to a nice meal at C's today for her birthday. Should be fun. Also looking forward to completion of my early Christmas present, 'A Discovery of Witches' by Deborah Harkness. Check it out!

Well, I'll scadoodle now, and hope for more things to rant about this week.
Happy Sunday.


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

And Tori does it again!

Genius and Goddess are two words that come to mind when I think of the wonder that is, Tori Amos. I just got back from an absolutely electric night at The Royal Albert Hall. Wow!

But don't worry, this isn't just a gushing rant of amazement at the pure talent of one of the most amazing female performers in history, there's still plenty of pissed off bitterness and general annoyance to go around.

Ah, the support act.......Hmmmmmmm. Well, the opening song was interesting and I thought, finally a decent support act. His voice was great and had some cute little nuances, but then the second song hit......

I pretty much wanted to slit my wrists. The songs were completely depressing and disgustingly soppy. I mean, I do have a natural aversion to soppy ballads anyway, but this was cringe worthy in parts. And some of the lyrics. Dear Lord. 'You were wonderful. I was awful.' Yeah, you really were. Ha ha. The piano parts were static and to be fair I coulda played 'em, so that goes to show how insanely repetitive and uninteresting they must've been.

Most of the songs would have been more at home on an episode of Dawson's Creek, or worse: they would've made it onto the Dawson's Creek soundtrack. Eek. But maybe I do him a disservice. He did have some redeeming qualities, mainly his thick, rich voice and his amazing sense of humour. He was proper making every one laugh.....well, between songs. Ha ha. But he did greatly over share. We got the life story, everything. The break-up, six months ago; the reasons why; where it happened and where they last did it. Oh, and also the fact that he wasn't wearing any underpants. I mean, really, was that necessary to know......?

Although, I do understand how the verbal diarrhea can take over when you're shitting one and you have to perform, or talk in a large group, or both. Eeeessshhhhkkk! But I just couldn't stop rolling my eyes.

And after a twenty minute break, the string quartet entered and then the legend herself. And boy did she look great. Her dress was just amazing! Long and flowing, with a sort of half cape thing. Awesome! There were some tracks off the new album, which were beautifully realised with piano, vocals and string quartet. And I have to say, this was the best I'd seen her in a couple of years. The night was electric and the goose bumps were back in abundance, especially on tracks Suede; Bells for Her and Cruel.

Suede was just phenomenal.

Then there were of course, the golden oldies:
Cloud on my tongue
Precious Things
Silent all these years
Beauty Queen/Horses

And what was fabulous was that she also included a lot of her little shorter songs, which gave the string quartet time to re-enter the stage and stuff. And they were ones she doesn't always use.

Way Down
Mr Zebra
Velvet Revolution.

And then of course, being Tori, there was the obligatory covers, only a couple but very very good.

Scarborough Fair
Smells like Teen Spirit.

And after two encores, it was all over for another couple of years. Thank you Tori. You continue to write incredible songs and influence me both musically and from a writing perspective. And yes, I am extremely jealous and bitter as I know I'll never ever make it as a singer and that is what I'd wanted to do since I was about 7. Ah well. I guess I just wasn't programmed correctly for that. I think I'm more suited to writing. You can hide behind your words. It's kinda comforting. Or at least it will be when I'm eventually published.

Oh and finally there were some interesting characters at the gig tonight. There was the guy sat in front of me, that sang along to every song really loud and was pissing everyone off around him. If I'd been told I'd be listening to him all night, I wouldn't have bothered paying the 50 quid for my ticket, I'd've gone to a pissin' karaoke night or something. Middle aged tosser. Anyhoo, some angry woman told him off and he at least reduced the volume.

Then there was the woman sat across the row from us who actually got chucked out for making too much noise and pissin' off everyone around her. Awesome!

Oh. I forgot to brag about how amazing my seat was. I was 7 rows from the front on the arena floor and was slap bang in Tori's eye line the entire time. WICKED!

Good night. And check out Tori Amos' amazing back catalogue if you aren't already a huge fan. She will pleasantly surprise you!


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Where to look?

White rabbits, white rabbits and all that jazz. Jesus Christ it's November again. When the feck did that happen? I can't believe how warm it is though. I'm literally going to work in a t-shirt and cardy and then getting to the tube and needing to strip. It's crazy but kinda nice I guess as I don't have a winter coat so if it was really cold I would simply be really cold. And probably complaining about that. Ha!

All the ghosts and ghouls were out last night, from quite early on, at least I'm presuming that's why the tube was rammed at 6.40. Now it's going dark at like 4.30 they don't have to wait as long. Man, they must love winter.

Anyhoo, there was a lot of elbow boob bumpage last night on the tube, but I just couldn't get any further away from the guys elbow. It's a strange feeling when you're inadvertently and unintentionally violated. Ha ha. I could see it was making him uncomfortable too, but what can you do when you're closed in on all sides by giants and trolls?

Then it was made completely worse when two very large breasted ladies came on and stood right in front of me. I had my back against that pane of glass that separates the chairs from the door area and I just didn't know where to look. If I looked straight ahead I was literally in eye line of their massive boobs. If I looked down they thought I was looking in their open bags, as if I was gonna try and nick something. And when I decided to look and stare at the passenger emergency button sign, they kept following my eye line to see what I was looking at. What the hell do you want me to do???? So then I started staring at people's hands as they held onto the bars and hand rails, but I could feel their eyes boring into the side of my face and I had to keep changing focus. And all this whilst dressed as a witch! Ha. Luckily I'd left the hat and wig at work, but still I got a few interesting looks.

I was just cursing myself for finishing my book, because I normally don't have to think about somewhere to focus my gaze, as it is frantically devouring words, lost in a literary world so far from the reality of the sweaty metal tube I'm in, that I almost forget where I am. And most of the time I also forget the existence of others too, but Ive literally never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I kept chewing on my lip and I was sure I was blushing but that could've just been the 35 degrees in the carriage. That trickle of sweat down my back was the final straw really. I was sincerely glad to be off at Kentish Town. Sincerely!

Thankfully, I have a new book to start today and so I will once again be shut off to the reality of tube and people and will be lost in Tulsa with some vampires and other crazy shit. Excellent.

You'll be pleased to know I'm somewhat less angry this week and I think my Halloween party on Friday with the kids certainly helped that. We had a blast and everyone dressed up and we were allowed to just have fun and not have to stress out about all the nitty gritty shitty things, that usually piss us right off. So that was good. And I am choosing to stay as calm as possible this week otherwise it'll be back to Disturbed songs and thinking about bringing the violence and droppin' plates. Ha ha.

I had a blast at the weekend too, with J and T. We went to Voodoo in Angel (a rock and metal night) and I actually felt middle aged. It was ridiculous. It ain't Maximes. It ain't Jilly's. And it ain't the Electric Ballroom. But, it was okay, except for the toilets. Oh my god. I felt like I'd wandered into Victorian London. Cobble stone floors.....In the toilet.....Yes. And they were easily 2 inches deep in, well, what I would like to say was water. Then one of the toilets actually had vomit on the floor and this was only about an hour after the club had opened. Come on people, can't we just control ourselves a little longer. Eek. I braved the vom toilet, but J went in the other one. Not that it was much better, it was just devoid of vom. Nice!

I literally felt older than everyone in there, even though I clearly wasn't. I tell you what though, I could've done with a map. The place was on like four floors, but it was in an old warehouse or factory or something, so there were all these staircases and rooms and tunnels and most of the time I didn't have a clue where I was.

They had a few redeeming features though, in the form of two rooms with live bands, which was pretty awesome! And also, the decorations were fantastic. They'd really made an effort. It was just a shame that the room with the best music in, was completely rammed and way too hot to stay in for longer than 3 or 4 songs.

Yeah, I hear you. I'm getting old and whingy and whiny. I know. But, give me Maximes any day, with P and K and E and R and J. We had some awesome nights there.

Then a huge thank you to L and D for their fabulous house party on Saturday. We all had a blast and I'd just like to state for the record, that I was robbed in Musical statues. Ha ha.

It was a crazy weekend. Icould've been the fact that I've been in character for the last four days. Eek. Well, I guess we'll see later. If I come home with murderous intentions then maybe I need to be a bat or a witch for good. Ha.

Enjoy the 1st November.


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Competitive stair racing and ANGER!!!!!! Bring the violence..........

I'm angry.
Extremely angry.
And it's all the time and nothing seems to quell it. My whole body's tense with it. I'm seething and any tiny little thing just makes me wanna explode.
And the worse thing is, I can't seem to find a reason. I mean, there are many many reasons, but I know deep down there must be a root of the anger, an underlying issue that I can't deal with, or something that pissed me off ten weeks ago and keeps milling around inside. But so far, I'm stumped. I can't figure it out and I'm just left with all this craziness and quite frankly, violent thoughts. Ha ha.

It's of course worse at work. I think everything is worse at work. But I just can't stand to be there at the moment. Everything is ticking me off and I just want to shut myself away from everyone, even at times, the kids. Which is very unusual for me.

Today was made worse by the fact that I had to fill in for the cook. She's on holiday and we've been taking turns but it's really not something I feel comfortable doing. I'm only just about comfortable cooking for 8 of my friends that I've known for years. But cooking for 20 kids and staff and trying not to poison them or stuff it up or make it taste like crap......that's a bit too much for me. This is so far out of my comfort zone, it's ridiculous. I mean, the first five times I made risotto I had hand typed instructions from A. And most of the time I bake from recipes. Even if I know the recipe, I still like to check the text, for comfort, for piece of mind. But this was just, make cous cous and chicken in a nice sauce.

I can't make sauce from scratch! Argh! But actually I did. I'm not sure it was any good but some of the kids were very sweet and kept telling me it was yummy. Even if they didn't mean it, it was very much appreciated!
But what I didn't appreciate was all the looks and the interference from others. "What are you doing with that?" "Why've you done that?" Blah blah blah. I don't enjoy people looking over my shoulder. It's not like I'm gonna burn the freakin' kitchen down. I'm the freakin' oldest person there! And I'm the one with the common sense. But really, ARGH!!!!

That's definitely the words of the day. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's so much more I wanna rant about that, but I think I'm likely to turn any readers I have left, into haters.
So instead, I'm going to rant a little about my afternoon tube journey. Ha ha. Much better.

So I'm at Russell Square tube station and as always I take to the stairs. This guy instead of slipping in behind me, tries to go around me and for some reason I just think, Fuck you, you're not coming past. And so, I go really fast and even shimmy around other people, just so I can get to the bottom before he does. I don't know where the crazy competitive stair race came from. I just knew that I didn't want him to get past me. As we got to the penultimate spiral I felt him hovering behind me, trying to get past on the right side and I just belted down those stairs. I even threw myself in the middle of the staircase to make sure he definitely couldn't get past. Ha! I won and fuck off Mr extremely impatient bastard!

God. What the hell is wrong with me?

Then when I got off at Kings Cross there's this woman trying to shove her kids on as all the tube traffic is trying to get out. I mean, is it that difficult to wait and not use your kids as a battering ram? No? Oh okay, it must just be me then.

And finally, I really hate those people who come and stand right in front of you, when you've clearly been stood there waiting. It's like they don't even see you. It's like they think you're not getting the next tube, you're just standing, enjoying the view, you know the northern line platform northwards, really is a tourist hot spot! Urgh! And not to be in any way sexist, but they're always men and they're always 6ft tall!


Well, I'm not going to be cooking at work, ever again! Unless it's baking with my kids. I could do that till the cows come home. And the plan is to breathe through the rage and try and enjoy my next three days of Halloween planning, culminating in Helen's annual Halloween party on Friday. I have party bags and gifts and games and all sorts. So hopefully that will get me through the rest of the week without doing something I shouldn't.........Must repress violent thoughts. Must repress violent thoughts.

Ha ha. Ah well, chicken thighs and cous cous tonight.....surprisingly similar to what I cooked at work today. In fact, the cous cous is actually left over. So now I can poison A too. Ha!

Vampire Diaries tonight, though I will be savouring it on the ITV player tomorrow as A can't stand it. He says they're all models and they're just pretty and they can't act. And it's not realistic that such as small town on the East coast would be so culturally diverse. And I say...........So? What's the problem? There's Vampires and Werewolves. We're hardly expecting something close to reality. Besides. They are really pretty. Ha.

Oh and something that will also keep me going is the prospect of rockin' out on Friday at the Electric Ballroom with J and T and A on Friday night. Then of course, Saturday night Halloween party at L and D's. Whoop. Oh that just cheered me up thinkin' about it. Awesome! And copious amounts of alcohol. that should definitely quell the anger. He he.

I hope you aren't all angry and bent out of shape lilke me. Have a great week.


Friday, October 21, 2011

Shampoo and naked guys with glasses. Just another Friday.........

Again I begin with apologies for the absent blog this week. Been mega busy and then I was gonna write one this morning, but I found that the new series of Vampire Diaries had started and so I caught an episode of that before work, instead. It was a tough decision but brooding boys and sexual tension won over and so now you are left with a weekend blog entry. (Sorry J. I know you like to read it on the train to work. I will do better next week. I promise.)

And so.......Buying shampoo. Shouldn't it be easy? Walk into Boots or Superdrug and grab a bottle of shampoo, pay and lather rinse repeat.....Right?

In theory, yes. But in reality. There's 100's of coloured bottles all promising something that is inevitably not gonna happen, like I'd have volumous hair; or beautiful ends, or shiny hair; or professional hair care that would put me on par with the leading hair stylists. And not only these lies, but there's all the jargon that no one really understands, like proteins and vitamins and formulas and secret technology and.........Get over yourself. It's washing hair, it ain't rocket science, or brain surgery. And in most cases you either go for something on offer, or, and I'm sure this isn't just the women, you go for the one with the prettiest bottle. Ha ha. It's freakin' true though.

Needless to say, my new shampoo has a shiny red bottle. Nice! And it does promise me beautiful split ends. I hope that means that my ends will be beautiful and not that my split ends will be. Ha!

A bus went past me today on the way to work with this massive D&G advertisement for, believe it or not, glasses. There was, of course, a naked and extremely toned guy and lo and behold he was wearing a pair of glasses.....nothing else though.

I found myself tutting. I mean did he really have to be naked? It's like seeing someone naked except for socks. It's just weird and in the case of socks, wrong. Unless someone's eye sight was that bad, they wouldn't have sex with glasses on, shower with glasses on, or swim with glasses on. Although,  guess you could watch porn with glasses on (not that you'd need to be naked for that, but I was struggling to figure out other reasons to be naked.)

So then I thought, okay, let's try and figure out the reasons why it would be best to sell glasses with a naked man, not of course counting the obvious, sex sells. And this is what I came up with.........

They could be trying to say, buy these glasses and you too could look good naked.

In which case, my response would be: I don't look good naked and it ain't likely to improve if I wear glasses, because I'll actually be able to see myself in focus. Urgh!

Perhaps they'd found a way of using hypnosis on adverts and if you look anywhere but his eyes then you suddenly have an urge to buy glasses. But not any glasses. D&G ones.

They could also be trying to send subliminal messages, by encoding data into his pecs and abs.
He he. Or of course, it could just be a not-so-clever-been-done-a-million-times-before, sex sells, obvious advert, which is simply something to oggle at. By the way, the hypnosis and subliminal messaging didn't work. I kept my eye firmly on the glasses.

Am currently on the train up North to see the parentals and some friends. In fact, I have a posh function tomorrow (well posh for up North) and I have to wear a dress and everything. Perhaps I should take a copy of the D&G advert with me and that way I can wear jeans but hypnotise them into thinking I'm wearing a dress. Ha!

Nah, it should be great fun and I have the honour of escorting one of my oldest and dearest friends. CT. We are going boy-less and so she is my date. It's gonna be awesome! Much dancing and general merriment, though hopefully not so much alcohol that I embarrass myself or forget half the night. Eek. Actually last night I lost a couple of hours after drinks with C, but they were on my couch wrapped in a blanket, with Film Four on in the background, so not too harrowing. Funny though. I just can't hold it like I used to. I don't bounce back as quickly as I used to in the morning too. Damn old age. He he.

Well, I hope this has been sufficiently odd enough for you and I will return soon with more bizarre stories, ramblings, rants and general wonderment.

Bon Weekend.


Thursday, October 13, 2011

Blood, brains and penis' at the Saatchi Gallery, plus slightly too much Woo Woo!

Hello. Apologies for the lateness of this week's blog, it's been an odd one and I've been trying to fit in a lot of writing on the old novel, which is great but sometimes my time management and organisation leave a little to be desired. Basically, I wanna quit work and write and write and write forever, which just goes to show there are no bounds or limitations to my imagination. So instead, I fret and panic and spend way too long at work and then get annoyed at myself for having fretted, panicked and spent too much time at work, which once again detracts from writing time and blogging. Urgh!

And of course I got my fifth rejection from an agent I really wanted which just made the week even more fantastic! And as much as I knew it was gonna happen and I was prepared for it, it still hurt. No matter how many layers of thick skin you throw on - and I have a load which is probably why I'm always so hot on the tube - rejection is just something we, as human beings, don't like. And why should we? Being told you're not right for the job; being told what you've done is no good; being told you're rubbish at what you do. These are the things that screw children up for life. Yet as adults we're supposed to take it with a pinch of salt, pick ourselves up and hit 'em back twice as hard, which is my philosophy. I plan on making each and every one of my rejectors, utterly regret not taking on my book, by it becoming huge and it becoming a cross over into adult fiction and then I'll be like, "Ha, In your face, bitches." But enough of depressing things, let's get to the good stuff.......

He he. The hideous couple in the lift at Goodge Street this afternoon. Congratulations you've made it to the blog. Oh my God, they were chewing face and all over each other and that's just unnecessary, especially in a tiny box with twenty other people. At least wait until you're out the other end. It was gross, but also hilarious because this wasn't some uber young teenagers or anything, they were easily in their thirties and just touching and kissing every few seconds. Obviously, "get a freakin' room," came to mind, but I was also contemplating the good old bucket of cold water. It's a classic. But to be fair, if the lift ride had gone on any longer, I may have just gone for a full fledged screaming or hair pulling. You can't beat a bit of hair pulling.

What was even more hilarious was the fact that no one wanted to stand close to them, as they were mauling themselves, so they had this ring of disgust surrounding them, but that just pissed me off even more. Why should they get space, when I've got a elbow in my back, someones newspaper on my head (it sucks being short sometimes) and the smell of sweaty men attacking my nostrils? Really we should have created a little circle pit and then started attacking them, like a mosh pit or something. That woulda been good. Or we could have just given them no space, which would quite possibly have deterred them from slobbering all over each other in the first place. Ahhhh, you always think of these things afterwards..........

Oh and I wanted to thank my uber amazing friend L for coming for some extremely cheeky and slightly lethal (due to ridiculous cheapness and sheer quantity of them) cocktails on Tuesday. It was much needed and I had a blast, despite the tiny cockroach that seemed determined to plague us. Yeah, it's a slight dive (okay, a mega dive) but it's cheap cheerful and in all honesty, the first time we've found a cockroach there. So that's something. Ha ha.

I think my highlight was the crazy Italians that came to chat us up. they'd been staring through the window at us and then holding up pieces of paper, but let's face it, I didn't have my glasses on, so I had no idea what they were bleating on about. In the end they placed a piece of paper on the table and a pen and walked away. I drew a star on it and then when he collected it he said, "So your name's star?" And I thought, why the hell not. I love stars and that would be a well cool name, so I said yeah and then they said that L looked like Cameron Diaz. So they referred to us as Cameron and Star, which was just quite hilarious! I mean, they were clearly trying to chat us up but they were also completely harmless. We led off pretty quickly with the fact that we both have boyfriends, though it was quite funny because my fella is Italian too. Ha, in their faces! They were from the South though. Boo! We love the North! North Italy rocks! No offense and I haven't even been to the South, but I have to stick up for what I know and that's Northern Italy Rocks! Then before they left they wanted a picture with a celebrity (L: Cameron) and they gave us both a 10 Euro cent coin. He he. It was shiny though. I love shiny coins.

Then I drunkenly stumbled home after three pitchers of cocktail and no food. He he. We never learn.

Montessorian! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

And so, I reach the end of another blog and I leave you this week with a lovely observation from Saturday afternoon. We took a trip to the Saatchi Gallery with A and his parents that were visiting from Italy. And I try to be open minded with modern art, and I am, I really am, but.......What the Feck?

Creepy plaster people ripping out people's gutts and shoving penis' through heads is just unnecessary and slightly evil. I did also make the comment that the only funny penis in head moment I've ever seen, is in Scary movie, but that's penis through ear. It's still gross but in the context of a very silly, spoof horror movie, you can kinda allow it. But there were a lot of children there and it just seemed a little too much penis in head for my liking. Just imagine some of the questions kids would have asked....He he.

Then there were also a lot of dead animals and brain matter and blood and horse skin and it was all just a little nasty. When you look at the description and it says, materials: horse skin, plaster, hair and blood, you kinda go.....oh, lovely, before skipping out of the room to try and find something a little less dead.

And then, possibly the worst one for me was the clowns with extremely scary faces and these weird pink arms and stuff and they were stood up in the middle of the room, but I couldn't go near them. I was convinced they would start to move. Eurgh! Luckily they didn't otherwise they might have had another exhibition, fresh that day by Helen Richards: Shit stain.......

But what really put the icing on the cake was the kids. There were all these super middle class families with their three kids, all of whom were under five, all of whom just wanted to climb on the stuff and touch it and generally piss about. It was awesome to watch as the parents strolled around examining the pieces, clearly identifying with dead horses and penis' in the head. But my ultimate favourite was the little girl who was amazed by everything. Everything was "Wow! Wow Mummy. Look at that! Wow!" And then they entered the room with the crashed cars and she said, "Wow Mummy that's amazing!" And her mum replied, "No it's not. It's a car crash." Looking particularly harrowed that her child found it fascinating and dragging her out by her hand. Ha ha. Kids rock!

As always guys, thanks for reading.

Happy Thursday.


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

My hairdresser is a GOD! I'm a dishevelled mess and I have a dream.........

Yes, you read right. My hairdresser is a God. An Italian God at that, which somehow makes it even better. He makes me feel for that 45 minutes, like I am a super important person and that my hair is precious and beautiful and I love him for it. The only slightly annoying thing is the fact that I always choose the windiest day and usually its raining too. So I'm stepping out all like, "L'oreal. Because I'm worth it." And within ten steps I'm thinking, well I'm clearly not worth I'm battling through the wind tunnel that is Kentish Town. He he.

Luckily, Daniele's blow drying could survive a hurricane, so I make it back still looking pretty ship shape and A is there to notice and acknowledge and delight it's fine. Oh and for anyone wanting a lovely Italian God to make them feel wonderful for 45 minutes, please please sample the delights of Daniele at the Kutt Zone, Kentish Town!!!!!!!

So, my faithful readers, I have sent submission number five of my book off to an agent that I really want, so of course, I'm brickin' it. I e-mailed it off this morning ridiculously early and am left with the dreaded wait. I think it's good but then tomorrow I'll probably find a whopping mistake or something to change and I'll wish I hadn't sent it off. The mind works in mysterious ways!

The good thing is that I've been mulling things over in the old head of mine and I'm now pretty sure of where to axe a few things and really cut out the crap for the rest of book one. So I can get it down to a more manageable length. In my old age I am beginning to grasp this concise thing people keep bugging on about. And you can't argue that I am trying, if at least not always succeeding. The way I see it now, is that if it ever gets picked up and enjoys wonderful success, then I can always do an author's cut, with deleted chapters and additional extras. You know, just like film directors get to do. That'd be really cool.

And so, nothing amazingly crazy happening on the tube really, though I'm still way too hot and always in need of a bikini. I actually think I must be a werewolf, my temperature seems to run a little higher than most peoples. I'm there with my t-shirt and jeans and a sweaty tache (as in moustache) and there's people with coats and scarves and stuff. What? I can't be that abnormal, surely???? Literally every morning my head is dripping and I feel (for want of a better word) icky and a bit manly too. Women aren't supposed to sweat, they're supposed to perspire and be all dainty and stuff, but in reality I'm just a dishevelled mess most of the time. Ah well. It's part of the daily fun of being Helen.

I would rant about my job but eyes and ears may be watching and listening (to what? The tap of the keys?). So I'll keep it brief. One day I will live in a world where my staff come to work all five days of the week and do their jobs to their full potential. It's a dream and as Cinderella would say (sorry., we've been listening to the Disney princess album with the kids) 'A dream is a wish your heart makes.' Ha ha.

Well, I've been nicely drinking my way through a cassis and orange, a lovely cocktail which we drank a lot of in Japan and I'm feeling good. My hair is lovely and I'm going out for pizza, though that means facing the wind again. Ha ha. Then later it's the conclusion of Dexter Season 5, which is just awesome! I love it. Never before have I been routing for people to be killed and actually worried for a serial killer. I'm literally yelling at him to kill people off. It's insane, but an amazing watch. It kicks Mad Men's ass any day. Then we are also gonna start Chuck season 4. Whoop!!!!! I love Love film!

Have a great middle of the week evening and until next week, keep your fingers and toes crossed for a speedy reply from the agent and with some sort of positive message. Maybe you'd better cross your legs too and your toes and your eyes. Just whatever you can cross really. Cheers.


Monday, September 26, 2011

Ok, this jet lag melarchy has got to stop!

Urgh, arrived back from Osaka at about midnight on Sunday, and with no sleep on the plane - due to watching 6 films. He he. Yes, 6 films - we'd been awake for about 25/26 hours. So, surely sleep should come naturally at that point? Er, no! At that point my brain is thinking, well it's 8am in Osaka, time to wake up. So I managed about 4 hours sleep on and off and gave up at 7.00ish yesterday morning and thankfully I'd booked an extra day off work. Though that was supposedly to "rest". Hmmmmmm.

By 9.30 I'd done two loads of washing, emptied my three bags, sorted out all my souvenirs and had even started putting my photos on the external hard drive. I was doing well. Being productive, getting things done and most of all keeping busy. But then I think the tiredness and lack of coordination kinda snook up on me and I whacked my head ridiculously hard on the corner of our shoe cupboard. Bear in mind the fact that we've lived there for over 2 and half years and I - nor anyone else for that matter - have never banged my head there. But I'm not talking a little bump, I'm talking massive. I almost didn't even feel it at first, it was more the noise, then a moments clarity and then my hand clamping to my head, and then.......and then........the pain.

Luckily A was working from home so I rushed in to him, half expecting to remove my hand and be greeted with the sight of blood, but luckily not. But I could tell by the pulsing and throbbing that it was a big one. His look of terror only confirmed it. He ran straight to the freezer (not that you have to run anywhere in our flat. Everything is within reaching distance...ha ha) grabbed some ice and used it in a tea towel as a cold compress.

It was sorta funny in a way, 'cause that's what happens at work with the kids. They bang their head, or fall or something and we run and get the ice pack. And like them, I was trying to be brave. It wasn't hurting so much, I didn't need to cry. Ha ha. And I didn't of course, but it bloody hurt! Well, I was quite ready to take the ice off after five minutes or so, but my Doctor (A) said I had to keep it on for 30-40 minutes. He'd looked it up on google or something. Ha ha. But I didn't want to keep it on that long. I turned into one of my kids. No, it's alright now Helen. I don't want the ice anymore. It's cold. I finished now.
But my Doctor wasn't so kind and I think I managed 30 minutes before I'd had enough. He reassessed and said the bump had gone down a bit and there was a tiny bit of blood from the impact of the corner, but that was all. He then mentioned the H word. Maybe I should take you to hospital. No. NO. NO!

My kids did this all the time. I would be fine and I am, just feeling a little idiotic. I mean, I'm still not sure how I managed to do it. I have seemed to have lost all sense of spatial awareness in my increasing age and I guess not sleeping properly in the last few days and stressing about going back to work wasn't helping either. But.......ah well. I'll just have to try not to head butt any of my kids today. Ha ha.

It was kind of refreshing being back in London yesterday, where no one talks to you, or even looks at you, or helps you when you're lost. The Japanese were very nice and kind and helpful, though they did stare a lot, at the outsiders. There really weren't many western tourists at all, in any of the places we went. Just a few Americans, Australians and the odd German and French couple. So, I got to experience first hand, being a minority and most of the time it was fine, but sometimes you felt a little weird, like no one understood you and that we were some specimens to be observed. But yeah, being back in the hustle and bustle of my big city was nice.

I had to go out to stock up on birthday presents and post presents and get wrapping paper for presents.....I love buying presents for other people. It's just so much more exciting than spending money on yourself. I guess that's kind of an old fashioned concept, but in some ways I am extremely old fashioned. I still love it though and I hope E who is 2 today, will love his presents, which, finger crossed will arrive today. Though having to rely on Royal Mail......hmmmmmmmmmmm.

I have to say, you know you're back in London when you're sweating your ass off on the tube and when you blow your nose and it's black. Ahhhhhh, remind me why I like it so much here????? Ha ha.

Anyhoo, I didn't really get much done apart from wrapping presents and writing postcards, that never actually got written in Japan. It took me most of the afternoon and then I went on to back up all my holiday photos on DVD. He he. It took four DVDs and that;s not including A's 2,500 photos. Excessive? Ah well, you gotta make the most of it when you can. I may never ever go to Japan again. Who knows.

I was hoping for an early-ish night and actually A and I fell asleep on the couch about 9-ishArgh! It took me at least an hour to sleep, then I was awake at 2.30, then 3.15, then 4.45 as A had to be up to go to Paris and then at 5.15, I gave up, finished reading my book and felt ready for a blog.

Really, I'm just glad I wasn't concussed and I actually woke up today. Shame I didn't actually sleep though. Ha ha. Ah well, this just gives me more time to be productive.......or time to watch a film before work.....ha ha. I wonder which will win. Although, if you think about it....finishing a blog and posting it before 6.40am is already pretty productive.

As always, thanks for reading. Without an audience, this is just me wittering to myself, which granted I am pretty darn good at, but thanks all the same.

Have excellent Tuesdays and if work's as bad as I predict it will be, you never know I might be blogging again tonight.



Saturday, September 17, 2011

17 bows per second and a few bites to boot. Hello from Hiroshima.

Petite, delicate, insanely stylish, thin, ridiculously cute........ Nope, I'm not describing myself, but all Japanese girls/ladies/women. It's becoming slightly annoying. After a week of trying to imagine I was any of these things, I've given up and decided that instead I'll just become slightly more gnarled and bitter. It's way more fun.

So, to fashion and all things clothes. Hmmmmm. You know the stereotypes and can I just say that most of them are spot on. Many of the girls go around in the pleated short skirts, with over the knee socks and bunches. It is like living in a creepy guy fetish, but 24/7. Although I would just like to state for the record that I am insanely jealous. They look amazing and if I could pull it off, believe me, I would be trying.

Okay, the next issue is heels. Oh my God, it's 32 degrees outside, you're taking trains and cable cars into the mountains; you're climbing up to sulphur springs and what are you wearing on your perfect little feet???? Yeah, you guessed it, delicate little heels, or beautiful wedges. Meanwhile, I'm wearing my etnies and cut off jeans, or my sandals, or my beat up vans. I mean, they're out shopping, trawling the streets for hours upon hours and it's all killer heels. I mean, shouldn't heels only be worn at weddings or at night time? No? Is that not the rule?

I think what really gets my goat is how comfortable they look. A and I are melting in shorts and they're looking fab in skinny jeans, or leggings with a cute dress. They don't break a sweat, they just keep their trusty flannel with them at all times, or carry a parasol or a fan. Yes, all the above stereotypes are also true. But it's awesome. I'd've been well upset it if wasn't true. And believe me, I could well get on board with the fan and parasol. I think I could get away with it in Camden. Anything goes.....ha ha.

Okay, the next slight annoyance is the one size thing. I went in this really cool shop and was trying on a few things, but they only had one of each thing out, only one size as though one size would fit all Japanese girls. Needless to say the tops were too tight. Anyone surprised? They obviously don't cater for anyone taller than 5ft 5 or a size 8. Eek. Oh well, it's not like I really needed them. I've had way more fun spending money on other people. I love buying people holiday presents. I know no one really does it anymore, but it just makes me so happy and distracts me from not being an elf like waif......ha ha.

Okay, now to bikes. Hmmmm, they annoy me enough in London when they decide they're not stopping at the zebra crossing or a red light. But in Japan, it's amazing. They are actually allowed to cycle on the pavements. Of course they're meant to keep to one side, but they don't. So you're dodging people and bikes and its crazy. Even at crossings they're supposed to keep to their little cycle lane thing, but they don't.

And so to diet. Deep fried stuff, with rice and noodles and more deep fried stuff, like for instance deep fried rice balls, or fried rice on sticks. MMMMMM. Just try and calculate the calorie intake. It's immense and they're all so trim. Genetics. It's a right bitch sometimes. But the best thing is the puddings. Deep fried strawberries.....I'm not kidding. But the best ever, was the dippin' dots, which is hailed as the ice cream of the future. It's essentially uber frozen balls of flavoured ice, but they stay as balls. WEIRD!!!!! And it was, but also strangely yummy. Perhaps it will be the ice cream of the future. Or we could just keep it as it is. Ice cream rocks.

Okay, one last gripe because I really am having an amazing time, but things are always gonna annoy you, when you're somewhere new or somewhere different. And this is both! But it's the theme tunes and jingles. They're for everything and anything and they're everywhere and it's beginning to do my nut in. Each train line has a different jingle to play when the doors open, when it leaves, when it departs, bearing in mind there's about 75,000 different train lines. Each tube line in Tokyo has a different jingle. Some traffic signals have jingles. Some lifts have them........You get my drift........There is never silence. Never contemplation of any kind. Just pointless noise. And it's not like they even go anywhere. It's normally 3 or 4 note motifs, on glocks on synths.....and always annoyingly optimistic. In Matsumoto where we were earlier today, they actually had music playing in the streets the whole time. All soothing and calm and....urgh. It made me more stressed listening to that than it would've done with the hum drum of the and people and life. 

Okay enough ranting now. The Japanese are so lovely. If they see you lost or even just checking your map, they are out there like a shot asking to help you. And even if they don't speak particularly good English, they are happy to sign things and eventually between the three of us we get somewhere. Besides their English is always gonna be better than our Japanese. Though A did learn some before we went. He's so good. I'm ever the ignorant Brit. Dammit!

argy bargy, free for all, shoving out of the way like in London. It's civilised and people actually respect each other. it's kinda beautiful and laughable at the same time. Just because I know that would never happen in my country.

The service is incredible. In restaurants, shops, hotels. It is fantastic. I've never known people to say thank you more than me, but they do. And they bow out of respect and kindness and it really is lovely to see, though sometimes it seems like no one wants to be the one to stop the bowing and it goes on for a long while.

The vending machines are everywhere and there is no vandalism or crime or anything. It's weird and also nice. You feel so safe. And you can get a drink wherever and whenever you feel like it. In the smallest village, at all train and tube stations and even on platforms and down each and every street or alleyway. We were very lucky as the weather has been so hot. I literally would've melted all over the pavement. He he.
I promise it'll be over soon guys. My word this is a long one. Well, the Shinkansen trains are amazing and all futuristic looking and ridiculously fast and pretty much always on time. Virgin eat your heart out. The rail network is astonishing. How on Earth they get all those different train lines and schedules to work, I'll never know, but well done. Without your uber fast trains there's no way we'd be able to investigate and explore as much of Japan as we are doing.

Finally, at the tender age of 28, I finally made it to Disneyland. Wow! What could possibly be more giddy than a load of kids at Disneyland????? A load of Japanese teens and twenty somethings. It was hilarious. A and I were literally the only westerners and we stuck out like the proverbial sore thumbs, but what was insane was the extent to which Disney is worshipped. Even all the guys had the mickey mouse ears and the wizard hats and stuff. i couldn't decide if it was to pull girls or just because they were mega fans. Anyhoo, we had an awesome time and managed a few rides and some excellent people watching. Plus we got to go in the castle and took a load of photos. We were super giddy, but it was also the same day we'd been to the Studio Ghibli museum, so giddiness was in abundance.

Well, thank you for reading this lengthy rant/adoration of the wonderful country of Japan and it's people. We still have a week left and many more interesting places to see. And in just over half and hour I'll be in Hiroshima and then I can actually post this on the web.

Until the next one.....

Thursday, September 15, 2011

yo yo yo from Tokyo!

Blog to follow very shortly guys.

Currently on holiday and having a blast but don't worry I've still plenty to rant about. I think it will be a couple more days as I need our long Shinkansen journey's to find the time to get it all out.

Watch this space.....It's gonna be good.


Monday, September 5, 2011

Unecessary willy sighting and the straight line fly.

A Monday blog. That hasn't happened in a while. But after last night's late night events it seemed wrong to wait any longer.

I had gotten the train back from visiting my folks and arrived back at Euston at about 11 ish. So it was getting a tad late and the wonderful motion of the train had already lulled me off to sleep once or twice en route. I competed with the crowds to the tube, annoyed that I had to wait 7 minutes for a High Barnet train and then once on the train, I saw a straight line fly.

What the hell is one of them, I hear you cry.

Well, it's a fly that flies only in a straight line. It was incredible (yes I was very tired and maybe there was still a little wine in the system). The fly flew straight through the middle of the empty carriage I was in, as though it had a goal, a clear purpose. And I found myself thinking, wow. I've never seen a fly not be distracted by something or someone. Maybe this one was intelligent and it couldn't be distracted by menial things like lights, take away wrappers and the need to annoy people. Maybe it had an elsewhere to be.

So okay, not a rant really, but a new discovery. I'd already uncovered the fact that there were clearly vampires in London and they use the Underground to travel on in daylight hours, but also that they are often accompanied by yellow ladybirds. So now, I have uncovered a new species of fly. I wonder if they are confined to the tube network or if they inhabit other forms of public transport?

Or maybe, I'm crazy???

Eek, now to move on to the other rather disturbing discovery of last night. That men have no qualms about where they whip their willies out. I was walking home, literally was two minutes away, headphones in, pulling my case along with me, lost in the land of loud rock music (Fair to Midland actually....ha ha. Can't stop listening to them. It's addictive.). I was just about to cross the road from Holmes Road where it filters into our Street, when I sensed someone stood on the corner. But by the corner, I mean, I could literally see his arm before I passed around the wall. But I was definitely not expecting him to be peeing against the wall, willy just out for all to see, which of course meant me, as I was the only unlucky one to have passed at that moment.

I'm not sure I managed to hide my look of disgust, before he died of shame and covered himself up. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, me or him. I just really didn't need to see that. I mean, when you've been with the same person for a very long time, you only see one and that's fine and familiar and not in anyway offensive, but when you're a huge British prude like myself you kinda think ewwww. I mean I see countless willies every day, it's part of the job, but they're all tiny and inoffensive. Ewwww. Ha ha. Well, if the walk hadn't woken me up, that definitely did. Ha ha.

In future boys, could you at least find an alleyway. I'm mean, with your ass facing the road and your body barely covered by the wall, you weren't exactly going for stealth peeing and stealth would be good, because even non prude Brits that like a good willy watch, they ain't gonna wanna watch you pee. Ewwww. Unless that's their particular fetish.


Anyhoo, just one last rant, which is basically, why are Montessorians so superior. It's a stupid piece of paper that is mostly useless as it doesn't actually teach you anything to do with day to day care of children, such as toileting, feeding, sleeping and other care routines. It basically teaches you to think you're way better than everyone else. And they all think they're like rocket scientists or something. I mean it ain't difficult to figure out how to use the equipment. It's all common sense though granted not everyone possesses much.
But of course, along with the new manager, it's suddenly become a problem that I'm not Montessori trained. In that case, I'd love to see how they'd cope without me. I'm amazing at my job, but I'm also extremely cynical. The children in that nursery progress the way they do because I work there. Not because of the Montessori equipment, but because I'm well good and the kids love me and the parents love me. And............

Argh. Apologies, I realise I completely lost all sense of modesty. I think the unnecessary willy sighting must have unhinged me slightly. Ha! Oh well, enough ranting. Let's hope I don't get sacked. Or maybe let's hope I do. HA!!!

OOOO, finished Hunger Games trilogy. De-pressing! I bloody loved it, though not a lot went my way in the final book, which I didn't like. Ha ha. Just started a new book called The Radleys. Check it out, it's awesome. Vampires in suburbia and what's even better is it's British suburbia. Ha ha.

I'm off-ski.
Ciao for now.


P.s, The original Montessori rant was much more explicit. I censored myself. Shocking what the world has come to.

Friday, September 2, 2011

4 abreast.

Urgh! I know, it's Thursday and I haven't blogged yet. I know, it's bad, but I've had hell week for many reasons. But I guess that now gives me some stimulus for a well earned rant.

Okay, so the Bank Holiday weekend was great. My highlight being drinking cocktails with L and D for like 8 hours in the comfort of my own home and watching Beauty and the Beast whilst drunk, with the window open, spilling our beautiful harmonies all over Kentish Town. Ha. It was awesome! Though I'm not sure every one else in our block thought so. What I loved, was that L and D could also recite every line of dialogue and lyric of song, like myself and A. So I no longer felt like the only lunatic. Ha ha. good times.

Then Sunday was our first immersion into the Notting Hill Carnival. Thanks V for having us over. I needed the chicken legs. Great hang over preventing food! But I have to say, I was kinda disappointed with the whole carnival parade. It was barely organised chaos, from where I stood. The floats were few and far between and most of them just consisted of hugely overweight men with mahoosive speaker systems, looking particularly creepy or grumpy or drunk. it was very bizarre. And then I was expecting spectacular costumes and bright colours and a lot of live music, but again most if it was booming bass lines and dance beats and ripped t-shirts, revealing a whole host of flesh. thighs, chests, bums. Oh yeah, you get to see a lot. And you also got to see a lot of humping. The vast majority of them needed to get a room and get off the street. Young impressionable minds were wondering around. Ha ha. Am such a prude. I love how British I am sometimes! HA! Now if that was happening in a club or something, I'd be joining in probably, ha, but out on the street, in the daylight, at 2 in the afternoon. Just seems kinda......weird!

And another bug bear of mine, was that the general public could just walk around willy nilly, and thus ended up walking beside floats, behind them and in between them, so it became a procession of drunken, or partially drunken people walking in the street. If I wanted to see that, I'd go to Camden on a Friday night and it would probably have been more entertaining.

Oh, I feel I have been quite unforgiving towards Notting Hill, but I mean, that's not a Carnival to me. Does anyone remember the old Standish carnivals???? They were awesome! Although I'm still gutted because my brother got to be on a float with the Brigade when he was seven and they were pirates, and I wasn't old enough. So I wore my awesome pirate t-shirt and little yellow (pleated?) skirt and bandana, and walked alongside with my mum. And of course, the year that I joined Brigade was the year they stopped doing a float and soon after that it stopped completely. The injustice of it all. Maybe I have carnival hatred because of that? Who knows. But maybe I should stop ranting about that now........V might never invite me back again. Eek.

Then Monday I stayed in all day trying to organise and sort through book stuff. I wanted to get a submission out but man I have a lot of stuff. I was completely surrounded by a defensive moat of papers, files, print outs and pens. And I worked through a few things and reverted back to book one, because I need to get it out there again. I also need three months by myself with no distractions, no people, nothing. Just my head and my thoughts and space and time. But I can also dream and dreaming is what I do best.........

So, I was thinking I'd have a submission by Wednesday, completely forgetting that two of my children were leaving this week and I was about 8 months behind on paperwork. Needless to say, Tuesday night I was up till 2am, back up again at 6.30 to finish off. And Wednesday I was up till 12.30am and was up again at 7 to finish off, as well as using my dinner hour to complete a report. Argh!!!!!! So I have done piss all writing this week, unless you count developmental reports on my children and leaving cards. Bastards. Not my children, just timing and the World in general. Yes this week I'm officially pissed off at the World and pretty much everything and everyone in it. Argh! I think I may need to scream into a pillow at this point.

Anyhoo, my manager leaves today, which is another slap in my well slapped face. I really love my manager and I don't want her to go, but I've been in denial for six weeks since she gave her notice in and now I'm gonna have to accept it. Boo Hoo! Goodbye C. We love you! I bloody hate change! When will people realise that? When?

Oooooo, and another thing that's really got on my tits recently, is when people are walking towards you on the pavement and say there's three or four of them walking abreast, and none of them move, so you're either forced out in the road, or you have to plaster yourself against a wall and then they look at you all weird if you brush against them, or knock into them. I mean, was anyone taught manners after 1994? You fuckers! All you have to do is walk in single file, or at least drop down to two abreast. I think this rule should be in the bloody British citizenship test, cause it's a bloody good one. And because I'm nice and I have manners and consideration and respect for others, then I'm always the one in the road. Why should I be the one in the road. Argh! Again I want to scream into a pillow, but I must refrain as I need to get going and ready for work.

Now, on a more positive note, I am on the third book in the Hunger Games trilogy and Wow! That's all that needs to be said. Though it tends to depress me a little as I realise that my writing will never be that good, but ah well. It is amazing and if you haven't read, please read. It is boy friendly too!!! I promise!
Also, I am heading up north to see my parents and my wonderful friends and I can't wait. I think a bit of northern air and northern love will rejuvenate me and bring me back to slightly less annoyed Helen. Plus there'll be alcohol and it's cheap up north so that means........Vodka!!!!!!!!!! Whoop! Let's just hope my train actually turns up on time, otherwise I may be screaming into my book, in public and once and for all they might cart me off to the crazy house. Although, if they left me alone with my laptop and my book notes, then........that might not be such a bad thing. Ha.

Okay, loads to do and still in Pj's. I'd better skoot off.
Have freaky Friday's and fabulous weekends and I'll be back to rant as soon as I can.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Early night spiders in the bath books.

What a manky day today. Raining constantly, though in the afternoon it plateaued into Billinge rain, which was nice. Reminded me of home. Ha ha. For those of you not familiar with the wonder of Billinge rain, it's that really fine stuff, that comes down in curtains. It's like walking through mist and it soaks you right through to the bone. Delightful really.

Oh well, I kept my kids happy with DVD's. We had a cinema day watching a bit of Wall.e and Robin Hood. He he. At least something good came of the rainy day.

Oh, I was so annoyed last night. I was home alone as A was in Paris and after a gruelling marathon photo printing session for work, I finally settled on the couch for a supposed long night of writing. But of course, by 9.30 my eyes are closing. I blame my ridiculously comfy couch and wonderfully warm flat, but really it's just that I'm constantly knackered from lack of sleep and a full-to-bursting head, that just won't switch off.

So against my better judgement, I go to bed around 10-ish and read a chapter or two, praying for an 8 hour sleep or as close as. But in typical Helen fashion, I wake up at 12.30, having had 2 hours sleep. Then I wake up at 4.30, then I wake up at 5.40 and give up as my alarm was going off at 6.00. I was soooooooooo annoyed. I might as well have done my usual, bed at 2.00am, up at 6.00am. At least I'd have had a solid four hours. So whoever said going to bed early was good for you, was obviously just talking out of his or her ass.

Needless to say I was a tad on the sleepy side today, but the rain kept me awake. Ha ha. Do you know what annoys me most about the rain? The fact that it impairs my walking-whilst-reading tradition. And when I'm well tuned in to a book, like usual, I just don't want to have to pry my eyes away and put the book away for fear of it getting wet. So, I propose that adult bath books be produced, along the lines of baby bath books. You know the type, waterproof, tear proof pages. That way, you can read when it's raining, you can read in the bath or shower and maybe even whilst washing up. I think it's a winning idea, if only for me, though I bet it'd cost a pissing fortune.

Oh, and finally, the scary moment of the day. I was tidying things away whilst the children were washing their hands for lunch (northern translation, dinner) and I felt something on my arm. I figured it was one of my three billion hairs but as I glanced down it was a freakin' spider. I screamed and flapped around like a bloody moron and managed to flick the eight legged monster off me, but with just a tad too much force and it died on impact with the floor. Eek. And right in front of the kids. Way to teach them about the beauty of God's creatures hey? Ha ha. But then, one of my Kids came and stamped on it, just to make sure it was dead. And who said chivalry was dead? Bless him. He was protecting me from the hideous beast. But then one of my staff made it worse by saying, "Urgh, do you think it was on you the whole time we were watching the film?"
And I started flapping and screaming again. Joined by a few of the kids. Ha ha. Never a dull moment!

I am slightly pathetic when it comes to the old arachnids but it was particularly embarrassing in front of all the staff and children. Ah well. It's fun to freak out sometimes.

Well, It's taken me a while to write this as I've been perving on the old Salvatore brothers at the same time. Ha ha. Vampire Diaries season 2 arrived today. Awesome. And no, I'm not planning on growing up anytime soon. Muhahahahahahahahahahahah.

Have a great rest of week. I will be older in a couple of days. Lovely. It better not be pissing raining on Thursday. That coupled with the fact that I have to work my birthday is likely to put me in a foul mood. So beware..... Ha ha.

Have a good evening.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Dirty, striped, dancing, denizens of terror.

Hi guys
Have lapsed back into the once a week blogging malarkey, but I think you'll cope. There's only so much ranting you can listen to, right? Especially from such a bitter northerner. ha ha.

Well, not too much to report. I assume we've all mostly recovered from the craziness of last weeks' riots and the nonsensical morons that made us scared to leave the flat after cover of dark. What a bunch of dicks! And since then, as always, normality has resumed it's usual London pace and the tourists have crawled out from whatever rock they were hiding under, making my tube journeys unnecessarily busy again. Urgh! Was slightly enjoying the heightened police numbers and sense of doom. It kept people off the streets and made the commute a lot nicer. I actually had occasional bouts of personal space. Sporadic, but welcome all the same.

Ah well.

But don't get me wrong, I am distinctly pleased the reign of terror is over. It was a scary place to be for a few days, as too was Birmingham and the Greater Manchester area. And I'm just glad that there weren't too many injuries and fatalities just because of a minority of ass holes.

Oh, and get this. I finally watched Dirty Dancing for the first time last night, all the way through. Maybe I can be classed as a fully fledged Woman now, like I've earned my vagina or something. (Ha ha, yes I did just type vagina. Twice. You can't take me anywhere, can you?). And whilst it wasn't amazing (again apologies to countless millions of women and gay men that undoubtedly love it and worship Swayze), it wasn't anywhere near as terrible as the majority of romantic comedies now. And there was some awesome sexual tension. And I actually drew a few parallels with Twilight for the unnecessary topless shots. He he. Jacob and Swayze just couldn't keep a shirt on between 'em. Ha.

And some of the dancing was just awesome! I swear I was a dancer in another life or something, because even in the shittiest of films, if there's an amazing dance sequence, I get goose bumps. I think the idea of someone throwing you around and doing the lifts and stuff, is just mind boggling, and with me, possibly impossible, due to a love of all things food! Well, I guess that's what dreams are for. Ha. But yeah, it was good, I've finally watched it and people can stop frowning at me now. Especially Ch and D.

Oh yeah and how evil are wasps?????? Extremely evil, I hear you cry! One of my poor kids yesterday was stung twice by a wasp, that had somehow found it's way inside his top. It was well harsh and he just started screaming! Luckily he didn't flip out and have a reaction or anything but it took him quite a while to calm down. Bastard stripy things. Just leave my kids alone! It wasn't even like he was bothering the wasps. He was just minding his own business, playing volleyball with one of the teachers. Whoever made up the lie that if you keep still wasps don't sting you, was obviously on some sort of drugs, or just simply enjoys lying. They are striped omens of evil and they'd better not try and hurt another one of my kids, otherwise they'll face the Helen wrath. Big time!

Oh well, there you go. It's Tuesday again. How the time flies. Eek. Almost time for another birthday, another step closer to the mystical 30........Eek! But as they say, age is just a number and when you have a ridiculously young face and even younger inner age, people tend not to believe you're anywhere near your actual age. Which works nicely for me.

So, have a great rest of the week and I will blog you soon.
Definitely time to put tea in the oven. Am hungry!!!!!!!


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

When the city is crumbling around you, the only thing left to do is watch Aladdin.

Well if riots 5 mins walk from your house don't spark a blog, I don't know what will.

I join you in the midst of the London riots which now seem to be spreading up and down the country. At first it was easy to distance myself. It seemed to be just in Tottenham. Confined. But then yesterday it kicked off big style. I got home from work and popped the news on and it was all buildings on fire and looting and cars on fire and riot police and pandemonium really. The headlines were in Peckham and I have a friend near Peckham so I was straight on the phone to check she was alright. Thankfully she was home and safe!

It just seems so pointless. They're destroying their own neighbourhoods. How is that going to solve anything? And as usual it's innocent people baring the brunt. And if you think you're big and hard by looting your local stores and scaring local people, then take off the bloody masks and show yourselves, you cowardly scum!

Anyway, luckily we were in last night as it all kicked off in Camden and Chalk Farm just before midnight and that is about 5/10mins walk from our house. I received a worried text message from D asking if we were okay. We were oblivious and in bed but it just sort of brought home the threat. This wasn't confined, this was spreading like a disease an incurable chav disease and who knows what or where will be targeted next.

I got to work fine this morning, avoiding Chalk Farm at all costs, using my usual Kentish Town station. The streets were quiet and the roads seemed eerily quieter than usual. There was a definite sense of apprehension amongst the commuters this morning. I busied myself with Cassandra Clare and the Fair to Midland album. There's nothing like some young adult fiction and a rockin' album to push you through the worry.

My manager from Ealing was particularly traumatised due to Ealing being hit badly last night, but all the staff bar one made it in, so we did fairly well. Being in our little bubble with the kids all day, you could possibly forget what was happening, except that all the parents and carers picking up and dropping off, wouldn't shut up about it. I didn't really like discussing it in front of the kids. I felt like they should be sheltered from it and I did it with style. I did a cinema day with them today. We watched the pixar short 'Boundin', a little bit of The Little Mermaid and a bit of Cars. We made tickets and everything. They had a great time as did the staff, because of course they only had to sit down and watch.

Coming home was kinda weird. Everyone was moving even faster than usual. I mean there's always a speed to the London commuters and it takes a while to get in sync with that, but today there was a greater urgency, that everyone wanted to be home before anything had a chance to develop. I didn't even see that many tourists which was probably a good thing....they may have been flattened. Ha ha.

Getting back was fine and Kentish Town was exactly as I'd left it, except for the shops being shut, with all their metal shutters down. It seems strange that Sainsbury's and The Co-op and Iceland being closed sets your teeth on edge and really hammers it home that something is wrong. But yeah, pretty much everything on Kentish Town high street was closed and I just hurried on home, putting the news on as soon as I got in. I watched it for a while until everything started repeating. I have my favourite quote from Isabelle Webster at BBC News.
"The mobs were feral, unabashed and they ruled the streets."
I loved that they were referred to as feral, wild, almost as if they'd been raised by wolves or something, like they didn't know how to play with others. A pretty true description it would seem.

Well, to conclude I'd like to wish everyone a safe evening, not just in London, but those experiencing problems in the midlands, up north and anywhere else that the ferals strike. Let's just hope that 16,000 strong Police force that they keep wittering on about, can actually do something to help.
Stay safe people. We're the good ones. We need more of us, to eventually over run the ferals and set our cities safe again.

Love to all
Stay in, watch a disney film or a feel good film and wish for a violence free night.