Friday, September 21, 2012

Walkers in Regents Park!

Two facts:

1. Old people at the theatre are fun!

They speak really loud at quiet points in the show. They say things like: "Oh, so that's his son?", again really loudly. And they sneak off for a cheeky vodka and coke at the interval. Love it!

2. Young people at the theatre are not so fun.
They talk all the way through. Kick the back of your chair and go around in packs intimidating people.
Also they have no sense of personal space. The girl behind me in the queue for the loo practically had her bag up my arse. I was this close to telling her to get her fucking bag out of my fucking arse but I thought abusing teenagers was a little beneath me.

I did enjoy Billy Elliot but there were a few disappointments for me:
1. Accents all over the place. I do appreciate the Geordie accent is a tough one, but then I'm not an actor.
2. We don't actually sing northern. Northerners can sing nicely in tune and without their lovely northern accents. And to be honest I go to the theatre to hear amazing voices as well as see fantastic acting and dancing, but the singing was pretty terrible. And I know people will say it was all atmospheric and dark and stuff, but that doesn't take away the fact that you can do dark and atmospheric but you can also do it in tune. Sorry. Musical snob I know.
3. So much about the mine when all I wanted was more and more dancing and more and more cross dressing kids. he he. He was a hoot.

Anyhoo, we had a lovely time on the way home giggling and we made a creepy friend on the tube. This guy was just staring and when we made eye contact he didn't look away and even seconds later was still staring. Something on my face? I couldn't stop laughing, especially as he continued the four stops to Euston. Creepy!

On a slight tangent, I do have some weirdo kids at the moment and one of them has his tenses all wrong. He comes in and says: "You want to go and play with your friends." But he means, "I want to go and play with my friends." Odd.
At snack time he'd finished his drink, held his cup out to me and said, "Do you want some more?"
"No." I replied.
You should have seen his face.
"Oh." He said, looking distressed.
Don't worry I modelled the correct way of saying it and he ended up with his second cup of oat milk.
Oat milk. Urgh. What the hell is that? How the feck do you get milk from oats? And don't get me started on soya milk.

Anyhoo, anyone give a crap that the new Iphone is out? I only knew because of A. Of course he has it. I've touched it once and I think that's me done now. I just don't care!

He also showed me this 3D rendition of a city that you can get on the Ipad. Well I can go one better, you actually go to the city and you walk around and experience it 4d with smells and sounds and things you can touch and taste. You can't get much more dimensional than that.

Oh, this morning I was out on a run and it was really deserted. As I looked out across one of the fields of Regents Park I could see one person walking and I thought.......Ahhhhhh, It's a walker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And not just someone out walking, but Walking Dead style walkers, the zombie kind. This other guy came up behind me breathing so loud and disgustingly that he could have easily been an extra on series 3. Ha ha. Zombie jogging.

Pissed off at myself for not reading the letter for my training course today, turning up at the wrong location and then eventually getting there 20 minutes late. This is a first for me. I am not late. I hate being late! So of course I then felt guilty and stupid and completely disorganised and I was this close to calling them and telling them I was sick. Yeah, sick of embarrassment, but I thought that was slightly melodramatic. Though I am a complete knob!

As previously observed at training courses, adults are ridiculously rude. They talk over the top of the trainer. Oh god, I wanted to punch a few of them. Rude bitches and bloke. Yes, there was one token bloke who actually spoke more than the women, talk about chatty man, he could give Alan Carr a run for his money. Though he did have teeth like the guy from the Pogues.

Urgh. Am so angry and disjointed at the moment. I just feel in a sort of limbo don't need to hear about my stresses.

The cake in the oven I just made smells very good. I have a wonderful 30th/Housewarming party to attend tomorrow in Nottingham and very much looking forward to it. I am of course taking more than one dessert and A has made something tasty too. Am not disclosing too much as I want it to be a surprise J. He he.

Have a great weekend and I hope your weeks were better than mine. Wrap up warm it could be a chilly one.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Insanity in two acts

Act One

Written in the sky. Messages. Indiscernible to most but speaking to me through the medium of clouds, and quite specific clouds too.

It's all about the ice ice baby.

Cirrus clouds and contrails definitely form the most legible notes. Cross that T, dot that I. Do it with an ice cloud.

They are the most calligraphic of the cloud types. Add a flourish and a flick, it's easy with the wind speed up there.

It's a shame the messages aren't as clear as saying 'this is what you should do with your life' but they're definitely giving me something to think about.

Any jobs going as cloud ciphers? That would be amazing!

Do you have what it takes to break that code? Decipher the hidden messages: Spend your days looking skywards.

Can you say, dream job?!!!!

Ahhhh, another day dream. Get your head out of the clouds Helen.

Act two
The inconvenience of passive smoking.

I find it such a hideous thing. At uni I'd sit in a room full of friends smoking and it wouldn't bother me too much. It was just that horrible thing that other people did and let's face it we were all musicians too. But this was in the days when you could still smoke in pubs, clubs and restaurants, so you were just constantly surrounded by the stuff.

Now I barely come in to contact with it at all, which is great, but then when I do it just becomes the biggest inconvenience to me. And when there's someone in front of me  and the smoke gets blown in my face......Oh it does get my goat up. Urgh! There were two of them this morning polluting my air. Yuk!

The End-ish

And if you're wondering about my sanity levels, yes they are dangling nervously over complete insanity. But it's always fun to share.

Mini burgers and salad tonight, followed by apple crumble and custard. Am I good or am I good???? Ha ha. I have a limited collection of recipes but they seem to keep A happy, especially my very lengthy dessert rosta.

Time to do the washing up.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Weetabix, Autumn and Retail Therapy

And it's Weetabix to start:

New easy open paper packet.


Half the fun of Weetabix is opening that really annoying packet which would dramatically split down the side spilling Weetabix dust/guts everywhere.

But no. Now we have this lovely paper packet that opens really easily. I didn't spill anything. Boo. I was tempted to just tip it upside down and spill on purpose. (Yes I know I'm a weirdo.)

The problem is people no longer relish a challenge. They want everything made easy or preferably done for them. Boring. Come on everyone where are your problem solving skills? Where is your desire to take the hard road once in a while.

We teach kids to problem solve but most adults just have a gadget that does it for them. No wonder I shun technology or do things the hard way. It's way more fun.

Like when I'm baking. I still hand beat all my mixtures. None of this Nigella, pop it in the uber expensive mixer thing and then go to my fake party where I can mingle with the most ethnically diverse bunch of young people (way too young to be friends of hers) and then come back twenty minutes later and it's done. I give myself blisters. Hard graft. It's probably why they taste so good. Ha ha. (Just going off my guests/consumers comments - and no they weren't held at cake slice point.)

Or when I'm writing. I cart around various notebooks and pens, jotting down things as I go along but even my blogs are quite often jotted out first before being typed up. Sometimes I just need to see it actually written. Feel something real. You know.

But as usual I digress. Boo to your easy open packets Weetabix, you've just halved your appeal. Ha ha.

It is officially the start of Autumn. Well, my official start to Autumn, as it was that cold this morning, I had three layers on and a scarf. Yay! I bloody love Autumn. My favourite season and favourite time of year. Which is quite ironic, being known as the season of change and me hating change. Well, what do you know?

I love being all wrapped up and am now thinking......knitwear!!!!! I'd love a new woolly hat too, one of those over sized ones. Yes. Yes. (Am I the only one that gets excited about cold weather??? I just love being cosy.)

Anyhoo, London is being stripped bare, all the London 2012 banners, posters, lamp post signs and floor stickers are being removed. I think I actually saw a guy with a job worse than mine. He was sat on the floor scraping those big coloured stickers off a cobbled floor. Nice!

Beneath all the hype and colours , there it is, the grim grey reality: London Town. And boy do I love it, with or without the Olympics.

Whoever said retail therapy doesn't work clearly had a penis because oh my god, I feel better now. The little forties style blue and white polka dot dress I bought (that was on sale....winner!) definitely made my life/career crisis that much easier to stomach. Also I bought loads of little bits and accessories and presents for my friends birthday. And buying things for other people always makes me feel better.

I still have that career or lack of career crisis, but who doesn't? At least I have a nice dress to show for it and an awesome present for Heva. Shame Fopp had run out of cheap headphones though as one side of mine have gone again. Ah well, you can't have everything in life.

I got my runners pack for The Royal Parks Half Marathon today. Only just over 3 weeks to go. Thankfully my mystery illness of the last week has almost gone so I should be well up for a long run at the weekend and then should be able to push myself back into the training for the last hard slog. Radioactive snot aside, I am feeling half human again so that's something.

He he. Funniest thing that happened this week at work is that I received an 'I'm sorry for having a tantrum' card. Ha ha. This particular child has been very difficult lately and kept having mega twenty minute scream-a-thons. Bless her though, she did a bit of the writing and drew a person complete with eyes, nose, mouth, hair, arms and legs. Lovely.

And so to depart and look at my pretty dress and forget about my various crisis', for a little while at least.

Friday tomorrow. Yay.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Boobs and crotches and radioactive snot. Yummy.

Here are some interesting facts:

Fact 1: It is almost impossible to swish your mouth wash around when you can't breathe through you nose. (I found that out the hard way.)

Fact 2: Soup really is the best remedy when you feel like shite. (whether it is home made chicken and noddle or store bought tomato and basil. It's all good.)

Fact 3: Having someone to look after you when you're ill is priceless!

As you may have guessed by today's facts, I've been ill for the last four days. Aching limbs (Thursday night I could barely move. )Sore throat. Banging head. Radioactive snotty nose. General feeling like shit.

So it's been a lovely time. I still went to work on Friday, despite the growing symptoms and shock horror, I'm in work right now writing this blog. Still I do feel better than I did at the weekend. Saturday was in no way fun. I spent most of it on the couch in my p.j's cuddling a cushion, watching various things on netflix.

What I found most difficult to deal with was the temperature fluctuations. Most of the morning I was cold, to the extent that while most of London was outside enjoying the glorious day probably wearing shorts and t-shirt; I was wrapped up in a blanket hugging my pillow with my full length p.j's on. But from no where I then got the sweats and not only couldn't deal with the blanket, but the top had to go as well. At one point I was sat doing absolutely nothing, watching tv in my bra and there were beads of sweat trickling down my head. What?

That carried on most of the day. Top on, top off. Blanket on, blanket off. Sweaty bitch!

A really saved the day though. He went out and bought loads of stuff, keeping not only the fridge well stocked but me well fed. The chicken, noodle soup was particularly yummy, along with the lamb stew and cous cous.

Again, sleeping hasn't been easy what with my recurring strip routine, paracetamol wearing off and general ickiness. I've been literally every four hours with the paracetamol or ibuprofen and on top of that vitamins and fruit and throat losengers. It's really all about the drugs.

And so thankfully, Sunday I felt slightly more human and less achy. I even managed a shower and a walk to pick up my beautiful prescription sunglasses. It was worth the slight exhaustion. They really are fabulous! What was more annoying was that I missed my training. I should have been on a 15kms run this weekend and to be honest an extremely slow walk to Camden market (ten mins from the house) was more than enough. Still, I managed to get a few bits and bobs done for work on Sunday afternoon which was good. I hadn't had the patience or brain power to do anything since Wednesday. No writing, no nothing. I know, it's terrible! I'm ashamed.

At least when I woke up this morning I didn't need to immediately take pain killers and I hadn't been up in the night which for me is huge progress. Though I have to say I'm pretty glad I'm on the earlies today. I'll be more than glad to go home at 4pm. Am exhausted already. Ha ha.

Oh, I realised this morning that I change my reading speed according to the song on my Ipod. I've never noticed it before. Does any one else do that? I know I do it with my walking speed, old habits from my marching band days. I have to be in time (in step as it were) with the music, no matter how fast or slow. Although if it's really slow I'll just do double time. Ha ha. Music/band geek.

Normally I don't really notice the music but today I suddenly started to devour the paragraphs and I noticed the song change and genre change and suddenly thought, ah ha, I change my reading speed. How strange.

You see, its always the little things in life that amuse us or fascinate us.

And to finish as it's very nearly time for another losenger I want to tell you another classic tale from the classroom. You really can't make this stuff up.

My planning last week was the utterly boring topic of 'The classroom rules' which for the record I've done for the past three years. BORING! But anyhoo, the children and I were having a discussion about the rules  and one in particular; gentle hands. I asked them what you could do with your gentle hands:

"Stroke people." Was one of my favourites, along with "hold things. You can hold everything actually, except the sky." Another great one was, "You can hold the clouds because they're light."

Yes, my kids are genius'.

More tales of the classroom include the departure of yet more children to that evil place named 'big school'. They take away our lovely kids that we've worked so hard with and we never see them again. Evil. Anyhoo, one of the children whom I have quoted many a time in my blogs, some of you may remember playdoughisms...classic!

This particular child pointed at the boobs of one of the staff, He said, "I like to touch those but mummy doesn't like me to." They really do start young.

And one of the other kids shoved his hands in a staff members crotch, in front of a parent. Lovely. They really are little darlings aren't they.

He he.

So, I must go as lunch is almost over. How does an hour go so fast? Let's hope the dreaded lurgy pisses off soon, I could do without the headaches and snot making me more grumpy than usual. At least the aching has stopped so I can move again. So that's nice.

Oh and just a small note about how great the Paralympics and Olympics in London 2012 have been. It's gutting it's all over. I've enjoyed just being able to come home and watch amazing athletes competing just down the road. It's been utterly fabulous and Team GB and Ireland have done tremendously well.

Yes I am patriotic and proud. So go ahead and sue me.

Happy Mondays. Though not the band, just have a happy Monday.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Feck, Frack, Frick and other F words.

1. Fucking red towels. What the feck to they make them out of? I'd completely forgotten it was lurking in the pile of clothes and just packed it all in the washer, zapped it and it was only as I brought everything out that I realised my mistake.

My lovely Team GB wristband was now pink and various shades of blue and my stripey knickers were blue and pink sripes. And if you haven't guessed already, I'm not exactly a fan of pink. In fact I go out of my way to avoid it at all costs. I hate it!

I wouldn't mind if it was a first wash. I'd hold my hands up and take the blame, but it's been washed so many times it's ridiculous, thus why all our bedding is tinged pink. Although that's also partly due to the red pillow cushions. Urgh!

I swear there's an evil towel maker somewhere that adds extra dye just to piss everyone off. Either that or red towel makers are also pink fanatics. 

2. Fucking phone calls at 6.00am. I shit myself.

Someone's dead. Oh God. Someone's dead.Wait a minute, I don't recognise that number. 

Somehow that made it worse. Anyhoo, it was a work colleague calling in sick which subsequently has made this the worst day ever! I have honestly never been this close to resigning. I still can't guarantee it won't happen. Manager off on holiday, one staff off sick, regional manager fun fun. And to top it all off I have to say goodbye to my favourite child of all time (very closely tied with Jessy who left 2 years ago). I will be a wreck!

3. Fucking wrapping paper that won't stick with sellotape. What the....

Surely that's the only thing it has to do, other than cover the present. I was wrapping a child's present this morning and it was just refusing to stick down. Needless to say the morning was filled with the sound of swearing and mostly the F word. It's just the only word that will do sometimes.

4. Finally they've chopped the hedge on Holmes road that took up half the pavement and was opposite a lamp post which took up even more of the walkway. Greedy feckers. About time. Otherwise you had to go in the road if someone wanted to pass. Or you had to do the round the lamp post dance.

5. It was also way too cold this morning to set out in a vest but I was carrying so much that I couldn't easily achieve cardigan status.

6. And what's more, I still haven't heard from the glasses place about my vintage prescription sunglasses. They'd better hurry up, I've paid for the damn things and they weren't cheap.

And to finish........

6. I went to the Paralympics on Monday at Excel. I paid £5 and got to see four matches of table tennis (all medal matches) and a game of sitting volleyball. Truly awesome and I was just disappointed at how empty the place was. I urge everyone to get on the internet and see if they can get anything because while the aquatics centre and Olympic stadium are full to capacity, other venues aren't and they need the support. Truly inspiring stuff and for £5. Amazing!!!!!

I've been addicted to the Paralympics coverage and at first hated the amateurish feel of it. The BBC was super professional and did a great job of the Olympics. But now I've seen a lot and got used to the presenters (most of which were nabbed from the BBC anyway) I kinda like it. It feels like the way I would make a TV programme, slightly haphazard but done with a smile and a sense of humour. Love it.

Hoping this day will end soon though I know it won't as I'm doing 8-6 and then going straight out (Skunk Anansie Gig in Shoreditch). E well. Instead, let's hope the sellotape stays stuck until he rips it open and let's hope the afternoon is nicer than the morning. Because if not..........

Thanks for reading. I realise I didn't even say Hi, today. I just ranted. Feel slightly better now. Slightly.