The Sarky Traveller Takes Over

So finally after months of broken promises, The Sarky Traveller has taken over the blog to give you previously undisclosed information; tips; additions to usual guidebook stuff and of course stuff you already knew with a sarcastic twist. Which let's face it, is always fun

 All The Sarky Traveller blogs now have a new home on thesarkytraveller.blogspot.com

The road to Vegas. Long, dark and Zexy!
So once you've done the 12 hour flight to LA; the hour and a half jaunt through customs; the three mile shuttle to the airport rental car place and the further hour and a half wait for the hire car..... (just so you know, we went with budget for our car hire and it doesn't matter if you've already paid in full, they don't have any one manning the International desk. You just have to queue up with everyone else and wait it out.....FUN!).........and then it's the four and a half hour drive to Vegas. Whoop!

At this point, I can safely say both of you are knackered, maybe a little smelly and dying for a shower. You're also irritable and can be prone to the odd disagreement/argument etc. You're also thirsty and hungry which for most men means additional irritability and for me means dehydration, which hits me pretty hard. So just watch out for these things, otherwise you can start your holiday on a low. But on the flip side (not actually sure I can pull off that saying) you are excited. You're off to Vegas. You're in LA and it's October and it's really warm and you're on the other side of the World for the next 16 days. Can I get a whoop?!

So top tips after the lengthy journey over the pond:

• Have all your forwarding documents at hand: Hotel check ins; rental car reservations, transfer flight tickets or bus tickets.

• Make sure you have at least a bottle of water at hand.

• And snacks, especially if you have a long journey till your final destination.

• Have your camera at hand because let's face it you're in America you never know what you might see.

• And if you are driving, or a member of the party is, make sure you know the route, even if you have a sat nav. Just have some sort of paper map, or at least the road names/numbers committed to memory. You never know when the tom tom app may delete itself. (I have never deleted the tom tom app. No!)

And so to the drive of all drives. It was actually really cool as we skirted around LA and could see downtown from the interstate. Even just seeing the turn offs for Hollywood and Pasedena (Big Band Theory) made you giddy. But we would have to wait a few days to experience The LA. This was all about the build up, the hype, the wait. The Vegas!

Now in terms of food and drink along the way, American interstates don't have service stations just off the road like in the UK. So you can't just nip off and back on, it's a bit more of a polava. Sometimes there's a village or town just off the interstate which is quite useful, but other times you have to come off and drive a mile or two before you find what the sign says.

My main tips here are:

• If it looks like something out of a horror movie, don't stop there, just drive on, get back on the interstate and cane it!

• When you do stop, do everything....bathroom break, check on gas (petrol) and stock up on supplies such as drink and snacks, as you never know when the next services will be.

• Stop for something substantial to eat, preferably before you hit the I-15 going into Nevada because that's when you hit the desert and the land of darkness swallows you up. You might find the odd spark of life, but nothing much. So definitely stop before then.

• Also, if you are a little freaked about using the bathroom at a service station, then either get your partner/friend/spouse to stand outside and talk to you, or go to a chain restaurant and use the toilet there. (obviously, this isn't always an option but if it is, then just go buy a drink there for like a $1.50 and use that much nicer bathroom. It'll be worth it if only for your peace of mind.)

If you are the designated driver, then this is going to be the toughest part of the journey. It's getting dark, you've got several hours to go; there are no lights on the road and for the most part there are no cars on the road. (Depending on what time of day and year you go, this will be very different. But at the end of October on a Saturday night there was very little traffic into Vegas.) It is invaluable to have a playlist on some sort of portable device, as the radio doesn't work well in these parts. It is also preferable to have a partner/friend/spouse who'll sing along and keep you going as best they can.

Like I said, there's not a great deal to see along this road and it does get a little tiresome. You don't have to make any turn offs, it's just straight line, North on the I-15. We did find a 'rest area' where A jumped out for the toilet but I took one look at the creepy shack and locked myself in the car. There was no way I was using those toilets. It really was something out of a horror film......and I like horror films. We also found a gas station/general store just off the highway where A grabbed a coffee kick and a breath of fresh air. So there is life but it's sporadic and at times, just plain creepy.

Now, about a 100 miles from Vegas you pass a ridiculous and also pretty famous road sign: Zzyzx Road. No, this is no joke, it's an actual turn off and an actual road name.

Sadly, this is as well as my photo came out, but it was night and we were zooming rather fast. I since found out that this guy just made up the name of it in the 30's so it could be the last official entry in the English language.

What? But it's not a word. It's not a place name. It's just some crazy person who went, oh, what ridiculous combination of letters can I string together to make a silly, unpronounceable name? Hmmmmm, let me think...

I could just do that. Make up a word to beat that. Now check this out:

Zzpqurstvuxyzzxyzx

Right then. Pronounce that!

What's funnier is that it was only officially approved in the 80's, 1984 to be exact. Man, the 80's have a lot to answer for. They might as well have called it Zexy. That would be funnier!

Anyhoo, if you're going past in daylight, you might actually want to venture off and travel down the 4 and a half mile road and see the springs of the same name. Or at least get a better picture than I did. But don't blink or you'll miss it.

Continuing along the I-15, the excitement of Zzyzx quickly wears off, leaving you once again in the dark. Then, like a mirage, the Vegas before Vegas springs up before you. You see these lights coming down the Ivanpah Valley and you think, wow, it's Vegas. Even though the sat nav is telling you there's still 40 miles to go, your heart is pounding for life, for Vegas. Then as you get closer to this tiny town called Primm, there are three casinos and that is it! Ha. So not Vegas then. Damn the sat nav for being so right.

Oh look, it's Vegas......oh no it's Primm.

Interestingly though, Buffalo Bills Casino at Primm has a huge roller coaster (not too dissimilar to the one at New York, New York, but we'll get to that in the next blog) and I found out it was the biggest and fastest roller coaster in the Guinness Book of Records in 1996. It even had a battle with The Big One in Blackpool UK and it won the battle, due to that pesky sea level. It also has a pool shaped like a buffalo. Well, I found that interesting.

I still find it kinda strange that people would choose to stay there, when Vegas is 40 miles up the road, but if you like your gambling a little quieter, then I guess three resorts, a free shuttle bus between the three of them, a roller coaster, concert hall and a buffalo shaped pool, may appeal.

Now, the next time you do see lights on the horizon, it really is Vegas. It's so much light it could be seen from Pluto. It stretches in front of you, like a sea of shimmering fairy lights. It's the lord of all light pollution. It's Blackpool on crystal meths. And it's freakin' awesome! It's Vegas baby! (I feel much like Joey in Friends when he went to London, when expressing the joy of Vegas. The amount of times you find yourself saying "Vegas Baby!" is ridiculous.)

Vegas Baby! 

The signs and hotels and turn offs zoom by and you see all the big names up in lights: Celine Dion, Elton John, 12 different Cirque du soleil shows and beer, gambling and women! Oh yes, you've made it, to the ultimate 24 hour city, in the heart of absolute no where. You've made it to Vegas!

The next blog will take you into actual Vegas. Think hotels, buffets that could literally feed 5,000, casinos, taxis and shows!

Final thoughts:

The main sights along the I-15 are:

• Creepy rest areas. Avoid at your peril.

•  The Zzyzx sign. Try and get a snap of this famous road sign and make up your own examples of absurd , unpronounceable, non-words.

• Primm - The Vegas before Vegas. If you have time maybe stop off at Buffalo Bills for a ride on the biggest, tallest, fastest roller coaster from 1996 and experience 4G's. Or take a swim in the buffalo shaped pool.

 That's all for now. I know you're all waiting with baited breath for the next one. Just don't hold your breath between now and the next one. Eek.

Signed: The Sarky Traveller 2013